Mixing beats like he mixes potions.

Several years ago, a grad student at CalTech used Facebook data to gather the top 10 artists at various colleges and graphed it with CollegeBoard's information on students' average SAT scores at each college (a rigorous method, Mr. College Student!). The result doesn't really tell us much (correlation ≠ causation, the inherent Eurocentrism of the SATs, bullsh*t measurements of intelligence), but it's very very trollworthy.

I'm a pro, but only in one key.

For Ash Wednesday this year we rubbed ashes from the burning bodies of the damned on our foreheads and sacrificed a goat.