Sometimes you can do something special by doing nothing. If you successfully avoid these cards, you are doing that special someone and yourself a service. No one wants a bad Valentine, so do him or her a favor and just get some chocolates.
Valentines day
It's a great measure of assurance to read through these botched attempts, full-fledged romantic fails, and know that there's gotta be someone out there having a worse time of that crazy little thing called love (on Valentine's Day, no less) than your sorry ass. If there's one Pro Tip that stuck out from the pack here, it's that you probably shouldn't opt for gifting the box of fire ants, bro. My best bet is that's the kind of gift that'll never fail to end up biting you in the ass.
This fine Israeli Burger King establishment identified a key demographic, and they proceeded to capitalize on the thirsty, sexual pleasure-seeking debauched 18+ youths of the world by including sex toys in 'adult meals' as a Valentine's Day promo. Umm, genius or twisted or discouraging, or a little bit of all the above? I'll let you be the judge.
Here's a cheers to an Israeli Burger King daring to be different, and the happiest of meals with the hopefully guaranteed happy ending for those souls out there brave (desperate) enough to give it a run. And I can't help wonder what kind of disparity we're looking at in the way of quality between that good-good-yum-yum dollar menu and the heftier combo meals...are we talking something as consequential as blue balls vs. knee-buckling orgasm? So many questions yet to be answered. Gotta give it to Burger King for not failing to accomplish piquing our curiosity.
Let's just go ahead and call this what it is: a bunch of porn stars/scantily-clothed, busty women recycling age old sentiments of common sense; but still keeping us entertained, because like you know...hot chicks and boobs and stuff, man.
The comedic relief present in these delightfully vulgar Valentine's Day cards is the perfect companion for anyone even slightly sickened by the glaring commercialization meets sappy romantic comedy-tainted nature of this 'holiday.' Picking out a decent card that doesn't involve you sacrificing your self-respect alongside a bouquet of overpriced roses can be a whole lot easier if you pull something from this rag tag crew. Trust me bro (or maybe don't), you'll get some points for attempted crack at keeping it light and humorous. If it ends up buzzkilling your night and failing to put a smile on his/her face though, don't say I didn't warn ya.
There's nothing romantic about these glaring fail-tainted shots at valentine's day gift giving. Then again, isn't a notoriously tiresome process to figure out what exactly we're supposed to be giving on this grand 'ol day, fellas? So with that considered, maybe we're best off just playing into the ritual with a little dumbness for comedic effect.
