summer fails

More importantly: Why is that Lil' Rascal staring pensively at the waves?

I mean, that's basically what's being accomplished here anyway, right? Totally cool, but let's call it like it is.

It's only fitting to have a giant, inflatable, plastic tribute to the most rubberized shoe in existence. Bravo!

It'll be 95 in New York City, 98 in Los Angeles, and 793 on Venus. Back to you, Jeff!

In some cultures, the sudden onset of wound-like patterns on the skin of the top of the feet is called "Croc-mata."

I would make puns about this pool being hot and all, but they probably wouldn't go over too well. It'd be wheel embarrowsing.

This is the last time I employ Slowpoke as my first mate.

"The Precious" would be a lot more precious if it gave you a seven-day forecast and the quickest route to Mount Doom.