spiders

When it comes to the worst things that could happen to someone who decides to sit on/near a fire escape, this spidery scenario basically ranks right up there with almost falling off a dang fire escape. We can only imagine how much adrenaline was coursing through this poor person's body when they got the surprise of a lifetime. 

Just in case you were considering starting up with a gig at a cranberry bog, this post might make you reconsider that particular life route. Or, maybe you're one of those people who aren't scared one bit by the prospect of wading around cranberry bogs with armies of wolf spiders encircling you. 

In an extremely ill-advised parenting move, this mom kept a black widow spider and its egg sack in what she thought was a sealed container. It doesn't take much thought to realize why this is probably not a good idea. In fact, in may even be a bad idea. A really bad idea. For something slightly less bad but still about spiders, here's a tumblr thread on how wolf spiders run cranberry bogs.

If you're like most of the humans out there the thought of a swarm of spiders popping up out of nowhere likely sends some chills down your spine. We can only imagine what kind of panic-induced adrenaline was coursing through this poor girl when she realized she'd accidentally transported a load of spiders to her friend's place!

This fun Tumblr thread shines light on what goes into working at a cranberry bog. Basically, you've got to be chill with wolf spiders or you're doomed. Check out more radically random and funny Tumblr gems over here.

Wow, this Tumblr thread is quick and particularly absurd. We've got a true case of a mad lad who apparently conquered their spider infestation problem, by, well, eating them. Yeah, that's a curveball you don't see everyday. Real or not, just imagining some dude doing this is equal parts mind blowing strange and hilarious. 

Well, that's one way to get your protein with your water. Just imagine waking up, potentially disoriented as many humans are at that moment, and then realizing that you've accidentally ingested a spider. Panic might ensue, but long as you didn't eat something poisonous (even then, how does that shake out?), you might just find yourself having to accept what is. A spider is dissolving in your body, and that's that. 

Not all days are created equal; some possess much more nightmarish moments than others. For instance, this particular predicament involving a mortified concierge at the Chateau Marmonte having to deal with a Huntsman spider. 

This employee has a soft spot in their heart for spiders. When it got tense in the office with another co-worker over their refusal to kill the spider, they stood their ground, and successfully defended the life of the creepy crawler. Sounds like the co-worker is about ready to quit after this. 

Remember everyone, sleeping is the time when you're most vulnerable, and literally anything can happen. Not much makes a scary situation scarier than when you're jolted into reality with zero context. It's kind of impossible to prevent stuff like this happening while you're asleep, so just...try not to sleep I guess?

This rattled guy's story about the bathroom break from hell itself, is made worse by the ensuing dialogue about his bathroom exploits to the rest of his office. His boss sounds like quite the chatterbox. Seems like he learned two lessons: double check those toilets for giant spiders, and keep your private information to yourself, unless you want the rest of the office to know about it. This is a serious TIFU story and I'm pretty sure I'd be traumatized from this. Poor guy. 

Don't look a gift turtle in the mouth. Specifically a leatherneck turtle. Here's a collection of images from history and today of seriously unsettling realities. You wouldn't like to think that centipedes could get that big, but they do. NOPE.

We hope you can live with the knowledge that you're not munching on spiders for midnight snacks. It's a brave new world.