pizza
Decorating a pizza with a gross amount of Peeps for a topping (see atrocity here) was one thing, but bro, get your shit together and carry your greasewheel like a human being. At least the steady procession of utterly outraged reactions made for a comedic goldmine.
Ordering pizza is a sacred art. You have to choose carefully your toppings, sides, and driver.
A local hero named Ford ordered (Forderd?) from Domino's the other day, but made a special request for his pizza. Ford demanded that his pizza be delivered by the "baddest bitch." And that's when things went from cheese to extra cheese. This is so cool.
Despite what many people will tell you, this is still America, and one of the basic principles of the constitution is the right to put whatever the hell you want on a pizza without shame... least of all something as delicious as pineapple. Pineapple on pizza rocks, nerds.
Now this has nothing to do with where you can dunk pizza, which is nowhere. Dunking your pizza in milk is a war crime. Sorry, gross jerks of the world.
On his show last night, Jimmy Kimmel didn't even ask people on the street what they thought, he just gave his own opinion, which was "once you turn 15, stop drinking milk altogether. People who dip pizza in milk, these are the people we should be deporting, leave the Mexicans alone."
And so continues the constitutional crisis of our time...
It's been a great 4.54 billion years, but I think it's time to end Earth.
Why?
Because people have started a hot new trend of dipping pizza in milk, and, wow, let's just end the whole thing now. Seriously, I just looked at a picture of this, and I don't see much of a point in continuing the whole planet Earth thing.
There's plenty of things to dip in milk. Cookies, cereal, your hand. But not pizza. The only thing you should dip pizza in is more sauce. But, you know what? Humans have made such a mess of things, so maybe it's time to just quit while we're ahead — or rather before we've totally lost.
We've reached peak pineapple pizza.
On March 4, Twitter user @Try2ShootUsDown tweeted that she tried to order pineapple on pizza, and the pizza place refused in the best way possible.
I ORDERED A PIZZA WITH PINEAPPLE AND pic.twitter.com/VkmdaHYBwe
— ali (@Try2ShootUsDown) March 5, 2017
Now, this is probably fake. What kind of self-respecting pizza place puts something on their menu only to shame the customer. That's a Papa John's move, and Papa John's is the worst.
Either way, people are loving this who thing because they hate pineapple on pizza, even though the mix of sweet and savory rules. Like have you ever tried pineapple-jalapeno pizza? It's bomb as hell. What do you think about all this?
