pets

On general principle, cats have no respect for you or your things and they'll knock your full mug of coffee off the counter just to see what will happen. It makes sense that there'd be a lot of evidence of cats and their crimes. Hey, they want food even when they have it. This point is driven home by the fact that cats probably talk like disparaged Victorian children.

Why not name a dog "Big Boy Binglebangle" or "Lunchbox?" Why not name a cat "Federico Feline-y?" Well, at some point you're gonna have to bring them to the vet, look another human being in the eyes and say "I'm worried that Sergeant Jebediah Funkness III has a heart condition" and  all of a sudden things have gotten weird. That said, a dumb name doesn't mean a dumb pet. Here are some worryingly smart stunts pulled by people's pets.

If you're not gonna keep a sharp eye on your pets, at least make sure they're not prepared to go around making any more. This neighbor didn't take any preventative measures with her own dog and now she's saying she's entitled to compensation. Both of these neighbors could have benefitted from hearing about this neighbor who built a fence to keep the neighbors out of her pool.

Some cats bring home dead animals. This one brings home other people's stuff. Sometimes cats are just terrifically weird, like this cat that loves being in the fridge. Sure, it's likely this cat loves stealing gloves, but it goes without saying that this could also be the perfect cover for a person who loves to steal too. For a wholesome cat story, here's a tumblr thread about a human who befriended a cat that doesn't meow.

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the worryingly smart things that people's pets have done. We've all had those strange moments with our pets where they pretty much proved they're aware of a whole lot more than we give them credit for. It's time for that cat or dog to start chipping in on rent. 

So many of us are prone to impulse buys during the holiday season. It's a time where we can fork over some of that hard-earned dough, and buy special gifts for the human beings we're grateful to share this strange existence with. With that being said, we've got to be careful to not cave for the irrational pet purchases. You've really got to think things through before bringing a new family member on board. Especially if it's a bird that's about to stir up a loud ruckus in your home. 

Seeing an adorable puppy or kitten is much like seeing an adorable baby; you're pretty much rendered senseless and devolve into some kind of nonsensical, muttering mess who is helplessly overwhelmed by adoration. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it's a condition that seems to affect us all at one point or another. 

Poor dad lost his daughter's hamster for a hot second, and a complete and understandable breakdown ensued. Fortunately, everything works out in the end. You can really feel the love in dad's panicked texts. 

It would be nice to be able to get so comfortable that you look uncomfortable. Seriously, some of these dogs just look like a pile. Dogs sometimes get stuck and need a hand, but these ones seem to be at least someone in control of their creative, and sometimes awkward positions.

Pavlovian conditioning can be a powerful thing. Just by sheer association, pets can learn very specific things, like how this smart dog learned the dinner criteria. Some pets take it a step further, like this dog who figured out how to herd a lawn roomba. Pets can learn a lot of very specific things. Usually it has to do with treats.

There are very few beings that are capable of being as relaxed as these melty animals right here. The flaps and wobbly folds of these dogs, birds, and rodents are a marvel to behold; a splendorous foil to the stiff and rigid. These animals are basically puddles, man. For more surprisingly relaxed animals, here are sleepy dogs in goofy positions.

Just picturing the look on this dog's ecstatic face after that hot dog water was spilled is enough to melt the iciest of hearts. That dog must've thought it was a true gift from above. 

 Like people, cats and dogs can have responses to bee venom that can be mild to severe, but with the right attention and care they just swell up for a while and go back to normal. So for a while, you get an inflated dog or a cat with extreme lips. For some pet stories, here's a wholesome AirBnB with a neighborhood dog visitor as well as a Tumblr thread about a dog that figured out how to herd a lawn roomba.

This Tumblr thread goes hard on the history behind how cats ended up being domesticated. Perhaps the most surprising takeaway from all this information is that we foolishly annoy these fearless predators. Not a good idea, not a good idea at all.