pets

It's a not-unheard-of occurrence in relationships: "either the dog goes or I go." People who set this kind of ultimatum often have a very uninformed view on how much people like their pets. If the cat has been around for 10 years and you've been around for 3 months, don't expect an outcome in your favor. That said, pets aren't always stoic beacons of morality. For example here's Prancer, the irredeemable dog and these pets who shamelessly wrecked stuff.

Contrary to the belief that pets just sit there and mope all day, many animals have rich inner lives filled with jealousy and rage. There's dogs out there herding lawn roombas and cats out there being eloquent, melodramatic divas. There's cats Lion Kinging other cats off balconies and jealous horses up to no good. Animals are just as petty and vicious as the rest of us.

Having a saltwater tank isn't as easy as throwing some salt and water together in a jug like it's Kool-Aid and calling it a day. Karen wasn't having all this "responsible pet owner" talk, so this employee stepped in to show her exactly what she'd need to take care of a starfish. Of course, Karen didn't take kindly to this employee who didn't want her to slowly torture a starfish to death. Will the Karen customersof the world ever learn their lesson? Doubtful.

To what extent is a cat or dog capable of feeling guilt? The answer is case by case. In the case of some pets like Prancer, the most irredeemable dog, you're likely to get as much remorse as you would a rock. Some dogs probably think they're doing you a favor by eating the door so you can be together. Maybe dogs who get stuck in things are a little more emotionally invested in you if they need your help, but they're also pretty good at making it seem like they don't really care.

Anyone who has ever had a pet knows that they can end up getting themselves into quite the entertaining, absurd series of predicaments. They also have a profound ability to encourage each of us to stop worrying about everything going on in our lives, and just laugh. Also, what's with dogs and goldfish being scared of their own farts? 

On general principle, cats have no respect for you or your things and they'll knock your full mug of coffee off the counter just to see what will happen. It makes sense that there'd be a lot of evidence of cats and their crimes. Hey, they want food even when they have it. This point is driven home by the fact that cats probably talk like disparaged Victorian children.

Why not name a dog "Big Boy Binglebangle" or "Lunchbox?" Why not name a cat "Federico Feline-y?" Well, at some point you're gonna have to bring them to the vet, look another human being in the eyes and say "I'm worried that Sergeant Jebediah Funkness III has a heart condition" and  all of a sudden things have gotten weird. That said, a dumb name doesn't mean a dumb pet. Here are some worryingly smart stunts pulled by people's pets.

If you're not gonna keep a sharp eye on your pets, at least make sure they're not prepared to go around making any more. This neighbor didn't take any preventative measures with her own dog and now she's saying she's entitled to compensation. Both of these neighbors could have benefitted from hearing about this neighbor who built a fence to keep the neighbors out of her pool.

Some cats bring home dead animals. This one brings home other people's stuff. Sometimes cats are just terrifically weird, like this cat that loves being in the fridge. Sure, it's likely this cat loves stealing gloves, but it goes without saying that this could also be the perfect cover for a person who loves to steal too. For a wholesome cat story, here's a tumblr thread about a human who befriended a cat that doesn't meow.

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the worryingly smart things that people's pets have done. We've all had those strange moments with our pets where they pretty much proved they're aware of a whole lot more than we give them credit for. It's time for that cat or dog to start chipping in on rent. 

So many of us are prone to impulse buys during the holiday season. It's a time where we can fork over some of that hard-earned dough, and buy special gifts for the human beings we're grateful to share this strange existence with. With that being said, we've got to be careful to not cave for the irrational pet purchases. You've really got to think things through before bringing a new family member on board. Especially if it's a bird that's about to stir up a loud ruckus in your home. 

Seeing an adorable puppy or kitten is much like seeing an adorable baby; you're pretty much rendered senseless and devolve into some kind of nonsensical, muttering mess who is helplessly overwhelmed by adoration. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it's a condition that seems to affect us all at one point or another. 

Poor dad lost his daughter's hamster for a hot second, and a complete and understandable breakdown ensued. Fortunately, everything works out in the end. You can really feel the love in dad's panicked texts.