funny tweets

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Guy Bonds With Strangers Over "Magic" Bread With Lengthy Expiration Date

There's something about breaking magic bread with strange drunks that seems almost weirdly biblical. That or this stranger just didn't have enough money for bread and tricked this guy into a free snack. This sounds small and dumb but two months is a long time for bread. Sadly, leaving bread out like that will probably cut its days shorter than expected. For another petty and stupid food story, here's a reporter who kept winning office chili cook-offs with store bought chili.

Guy bonds with strangers over long with unusually long sell-by date.
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Innocent Dad Freaks Out When He Loses Hamster

Steph Veerman showed how her dad made it his mission to find her lost hamster. It seems like the dad really cared about that hamster, so he got way too into it. For some dads being dads, here are dads responding to being told by their kids that they'd just put olive oil in their cars.

Wholesome Twitter story of a dad who lost his daughter's hamster.
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Stupid Moments That Prove How Kids are Weird and Dumb

Kids are pretty dumb and easy to trick. Even if no one is trying to make them look dumb, they do a fantastic job of looking stupid all on their own. It's not exactly their fault, I mean, they're completely new here. They basically were in fact, born yesterday. So while kids are dumb and weird, they're sort of allowed to be that way.

Moments of kids being strange, funny and stupid.
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Dads Respond to Being Told Their Kid Put Olive Oil in their Car

My dad would have said my car doesn't need an extra virgin. The dads involved mostly responded positively. You can kind of gauge their opinion of their kid based on how they reacted. When the daddest dads aren't getting pranked, they're making epic puns and dad jokes.

Texts from dads after being told their kid put olive oil in their car.
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Brain Farts So Bad They Could Clear a Room

People shared their stupid mental mistakes and switch-ups, commonly known as brain farts. It's not really your fault, most people have so much to focus on on a daily basis that sometimes we don't put enough effort into our own speech. But still, switching up a few letters can mean the difference between saying you've just been hit in the shins and you've just shit in the bins.

Brain farts and mental mistakes that made people look awkward.
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Funny Tweets and Memes Primed For Giving That Day Some Sunshine (27 Images)

Brighten up that day with some jokes from the good ol' twitterverse. There's family drama, mistaken avocado enthusiasts, and bouncy castle aficionados. For another blast of humor and a few puns, here are dumb and funny jokes that are technically correct.

Funny tweets, jokes and memes.
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Moments That Go to Show How Kids Are Weird and Dumb

Kids are stupid people. We're not saying children's stupidity is their fault. Their brains just don't work too good. We've seen it in ourselves when we we kids, and we see it in them every day. They give us a lot of evidence and moments of failure that articulate exactly how poorly a young mind works. They learn though. Well, most of them anyway.

Stories and images of children being stupid.
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The Funny and Sometimes Aggravating Reality of Marriage in 30 Tweets

If you've been in a long term relationship, you know that seeing that same person's face every day can come with challenges. You've gotta learn to get used to each others quirks or get really great at apologizing if you wan to stand spending the rest of your lives together. People's thoughts on marriage never end, so here are more funny tweets about marriage that are too real.

Jokes and funny things about marriage from twitter.
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Twitter Users Share What Truly Pisses Them Off

We like to think it's our big values that we're most passionate about, but the things that make us the most irrationally angry are often trivial and small things like covering your mouth while eating and being woken up by a lawnmower. There are normally calm people who will flip a shit over just about anything

Tweets of people responding what makes them the most angry.
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Twitter Users Share Realistically Scary Jack-o-Lanterns

Ghosts are one thing, but so many working adults hate their jobs so much that the thought of death might actually be a welcome surprise. What truly sends a chill up someone's spine is waking up to 3 missed calls from your boss and and a text that says "where are you." For some creative spookiness, here are some two sentence horror stories.

Tweets of realistic jack o lanterns that are scary for adults.
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Dumb and Clever Jokes That Are Technically Correct

It's not what you'd think in the first place, but you can't say they're wrong. These are the fruits of the smart-asses of the internet, with extra emphasis on the ass. You may groan, you may not get it and you may insist these people are wrong. You may also love em. Anyway, here are some memes, puns, dad jokes and moments that, while potentially dumb, are technically correct.

Memes, puns, and jokes, that are technically true.
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Twitter Shares The Things You Don't Tell Your Spouse

Part of being in a long term relationship is knowing that there are some things that are better left unsaid. Married Life has a lot of ups and downs that inspire tweets and jokes, and heeding people's advice can prevent a future headache. So like, tell them everything they need to know of course, but don't get too creative with it.

Twitter users tell the secrets they don't tell their spouses about.
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Silly Twitter Thread on How One Woman's Dog Hangs Out on Top of Other Dog

Not exactly sure what inspires a dog to climb onto a larger dog, but we like this. We like this a lot. Yeah, this is nice. It's sad Frank can't get in on some of this, but he's good in his own right. We like to see animals get into places you wouldn't expect, but sometimes they get stuck in situations and need some help. So here's a fewstuck dogs that need a hand.

Twitter thread Woman's cute little dog stands on top of her golden retriever all the time. Also there's a pug.
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Twitter Users Share The Worst Things They've Ever Spilled In Their Cars

Musician Jason Isbell took to twitter to ask people about the most devastating thing they've ever spilled in their car. When you think about it, a car is one of the most stressful places to spill something, and should be chalked up as one of life's more disappointing moments. Everything in a car is usually covered in fabric, you're forced to sit in it, and if it's something that smells, good luck sitting in a tin can filled with old burger or whatever.

Twitter users share the messiest things they've spilled in their cars.
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28 Assorted Memes That'll Euthanize Your Boredom

Feeling like your life has no meaning, or that you're just going through the motions? Take a lil meme break with this assortment of mildly to moderately funny pics!

Funny random memes to put your boredom to sleep peacefully, without a fuss or a fight
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30 Amusing Memes And Tweets For The Hopelessly Bored

Are you bored? If so, then join the rest of the world. We're all just wasting our lives away at work, trying to make a few dollars to pay rent and then maybe retire someday. Unless you're a Millennial, then screw you because you're never going to retire. Anyway, here are some memes. Enjoy!

twitter amusing tumblr procrastination random memes funny memes boredom funny tweets cute animals - 7800581
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