funny tweets

Favorite

Funny Tweets about God Making Animals

The features and behaviors of different animals are so varied and weird and specific that it makes you wonder what kind of thinking would have went into them. A lot of these tweets about animal designs feel like a real "5 pm on a friday" kind of job. People put a lot of thought into how god would've made plants and animals.

Funny joke tweets about how god designed animals | tweet by tricycle_champ [god making bats] GOD: just like hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also sleeps upside down like an idiot
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Dads Respond to Being Told Their Kid Put Olive Oil in their Car

My dad would have said my car doesn't need an extra virgin. The dads involved mostly responded positively. You can kind of gauge their opinion of their kid based on how they reacted. When the daddest dads aren't getting pranked, they're making epic puns and dad jokes.

Texts from dads after being told their kid put olive oil in their car | tweet by thedad Text dad this now 's makin weird sounds Post replies. IMPORTED 100% Pure Olive Oil. 100% Pure Olive Oil IMPORTED put oil my car and now 's makin weird sou nds? Does sound like olives can Lol Delivered Now have drain olive out
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Tweets and Memes to Keep Dads Going Through These Dark Times

Parenting is a difficult job that requires constant effort and attention. Here's some memes for dads to look at instead of their stupid and weird kids. And if you're trying to go the extra dad level with the dad jokes, here are puns to satiate your wordplay cravings, or this sign with a very strong pun game.

Funny tweets and memes about dads and parenting | monkey puppet meme Mom: Stop doing But dad lets Dad. dads wait everyone else wake up so they can tell them they've been up since 6am.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Woman On Twitter Tells Hilarious Story Of Runaway Pomeranian

We need more stories of this troublemaking Pomeranian, stirring up all kinds of ruckus around the neighborhood. Twitter user @Cmpriest, tells a hilarious story of "Chunk" being a big old rascal. 

Woman tells hilarious story about a Pomeranian dog in funny Twitter thread | Text - Merry Priest (rhymes with Cherie Priest) @cmpriest Things overheard whilst a zippy Pomeranian named "Chunk" escaped his yard and chased after me while I walked Greyson and Lucy this morning. A thread:
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Innocent Dad Freaks Out When He Loses Hamster

Steph Veerman showed how her dad made it his mission to find her lost hamster. It seems like the dad really cared about that hamster, so he got way too into it. For some dads being dads, here are dads responding to being told by their kids that they'd just put olive oil in their cars.

Wholesome Twitter story of a dad who lost his daughter's hamster.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Guy Bonds With Strangers Over "Magic" Bread With Lengthy Expiration Date

There's something about breaking magic bread with strange drunks that seems almost weirdly biblical. That or this stranger just didn't have enough money for bread and tricked this guy into a free snack. This sounds small and dumb but two months is a long time for bread. Sadly, leaving bread out like that will probably cut its days shorter than expected. For another petty and stupid food story, here's a reporter who kept winning office chili cook-offs with store bought chili.

Guy bonds with strangers over long with unusually long sell-by date.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Stupid Moments That Prove How Kids are Weird and Dumb

Kids are pretty dumb and easy to trick. Even if no one is trying to make them look dumb, they do a fantastic job of looking stupid all on their own. It's not exactly their fault, I mean, they're completely new here. They basically were in fact, born yesterday. So while kids are dumb and weird, they're sort of allowed to be that way.

Moments of kids being strange, funny and stupid.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Brain Farts So Bad They Could Clear a Room

People shared their stupid mental mistakes and switch-ups, commonly known as brain farts. It's not really your fault, most people have so much to focus on on a daily basis that sometimes we don't put enough effort into our own speech. But still, switching up a few letters can mean the difference between saying you've just been hit in the shins and you've just shit in the bins.

Brain farts and mental mistakes that made people look awkward.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Funny Tweets and Memes Primed For Giving That Day Some Sunshine (27 Images)

Brighten up that day with some jokes from the good ol' twitterverse. There's family drama, mistaken avocado enthusiasts, and bouncy castle aficionados. For another blast of humor and a few puns, here are dumb and funny jokes that are technically correct.

Funny tweets, jokes and memes.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Moments That Go to Show How Kids Are Weird and Dumb

Kids are stupid people. We're not saying children's stupidity is their fault. Their brains just don't work too good. We've seen it in ourselves when we we kids, and we see it in them every day. They give us a lot of evidence and moments of failure that articulate exactly how poorly a young mind works. They learn though. Well, most of them anyway.

Stories and images of children being stupid.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

The Funny and Sometimes Aggravating Reality of Marriage in 30 Tweets

If you've been in a long term relationship, you know that seeing that same person's face every day can come with challenges. You've gotta learn to get used to each others quirks or get really great at apologizing if you wan to stand spending the rest of your lives together. People's thoughts on marriage never end, so here are more funny tweets about marriage that are too real.

Jokes and funny things about marriage from twitter.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Twitter Users Share What Truly Pisses Them Off

We like to think it's our big values that we're most passionate about, but the things that make us the most irrationally angry are often trivial and small things like covering your mouth while eating and being woken up by a lawnmower. There are normally calm people who will flip a shit over just about anything

Tweets of people responding what makes them the most angry.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Twitter Users Share Realistically Scary Jack-o-Lanterns

Ghosts are one thing, but so many working adults hate their jobs so much that the thought of death might actually be a welcome surprise. What truly sends a chill up someone's spine is waking up to 3 missed calls from your boss and and a text that says "where are you." For some creative spookiness, here are some two sentence horror stories.

Tweets of realistic jack o lanterns that are scary for adults.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Dumb and Clever Jokes That Are Technically Correct

It's not what you'd think in the first place, but you can't say they're wrong. These are the fruits of the smart-asses of the internet, with extra emphasis on the ass. You may groan, you may not get it and you may insist these people are wrong. You may also love em. Anyway, here are some memes, puns, dad jokes and moments that, while potentially dumb, are technically correct.

Memes, puns, and jokes, that are technically true.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Favorite

Twitter Shares The Things You Don't Tell Your Spouse

Part of being in a long term relationship is knowing that there are some things that are better left unsaid. Married Life has a lot of ups and downs that inspire tweets and jokes, and heeding people's advice can prevent a future headache. So like, tell them everything they need to know of course, but don't get too creative with it.

Twitter users tell the secrets they don't tell their spouses about.
View List
  • -
  • Vote
  • -