florida

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Buckle Up and Grab Your Popcorn, It's Time For Zola's Wild Florida Story Ride

This epic Twitter tale comes from @_zolarmoon, and has the Internet clamoring with questions and theories about it's validity. Real or not real, this is a great American story.

As you can imagine, this story is Not Safe For Work.

twitter florida story omg - 668677
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These 10 Comics Show That Florida Man is One Of The Weirdest Superheroes Out There


America's Dong, Florida surely provides a terrific territory for hijinks and fortunately for us, Mandatory has compiled these great comics drawn by Dave Rappoccio showcasing one of the weirdest superheroes out there, Florida Man. Rumor has it that newspaper headlines supply him with powers of unknown strength in his battle against sound logic.

The funny headlines of Florida men being arrested has grown so much over the years, that there is even a Florida Man Know Your Meme page that helps the internet keep track of it all. 

florida man comics inspired by the headlines
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Crash split car in half and man survives with no life threatening injuries.
Via WFLA
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Don't ever split a cab with this guy.

Get it?????????????????

Local Florida news channel WFLA says a 20-year-old suffered 'non life-threatening' injuries when he destroyed a car in just about the most complete way possible.

Winter Haven Police say the crash happened Tuesday just before 7 p.m. when Carlos Pino, 20, was traveling westbound along Cypress Gardens Blvd. At the curve near Interlochen Blvd., police say Pino lost control of his silver 1986 Nissan 300ZX and started to slide on the wet roadways as he negotiated the curve.

Pino overcorrected losing control of the vehicle and he started to skid sideways. Ultimately, the vehicle left the roadway striking a tree with the driver's side front wheel and quarter panel. The impact of the crash caused the vehicle to split in two with the front engine compartment on one side of the tree and the vehicle's cab with Pino buckled in coming to a rest on the opposite side of the tree. There were no other vehicles involved in the crash.



I mean, just look at this nonsense.







I feel like I have life-threatening injuries just looking at these pictures.

We have a word of warning for Mr. Pino:

Don't trust anyone who calls themselves 'Mr. Glass'.

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Explorers find $1 million in gold coins and chains from the Spanish ship 1715 Fleet that shipwrecked off the Florida coast on July 31, 1715.





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We really wish there was some part of that headline that wasn't representative of reality. The Florida man in the video here apparently encountered a "fanged woman" at his front door earlier in the day, and foretold of an upcoming human sacrifice. This didn't settle too well with our man, who apparently had to dance out all those feelings on top of a police car.

Hat tip to The Daily Dot.

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Via IJR
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We could all use more "Florida Man" with his crazy antics in our lives, and fortunately we have two of them running for president.

Marco Rubio has officially declared his candidacy, and Jeb Bush is expected to officially throw his hat in the ring soon, even though he sort of already let it slip a few weeks ago.

And so the Independent Journal Review took the next logical step and developed a new Chrome extension which replaces any instance of their names with "Florida Man."

For example:



More importantly, it will also randomly swap all references to "Florida Man" with one of the two candidates, creating some amazing headlines like this one:


No that didn't actually happen to Rubio. but it certainly makes reading about the already crowded Republican race much more entertaining.

Once you download and enable the program, head on over to Florida Man's Twitter account for endless fun.

Well done, IJR, well done.





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Via NBC
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The substance is called Flakka, and apparently it makes bath salts look tame in comparison. This guy here reportedly did the nasty with a tree, claimed he was Thor, and then attempted to stab a police officer with his own badge before being taken town.

Remember kids: Winners don't use drugs, and neither do Asgardian deities.