florida

funny-news-fail-florida-golf-alligator
Via WPTV
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This prehistoric beast was found tromping around a golf course in Florida, perfectly content with chilling out in the open. Anybody know where Chris Pratt is so he can wrangle this thing?

Here are some more images of the beast from the Myakka Pines Golf Course:



Oh hey, how did this get here...

funny-news-fail-drug-dealer
Via NBC Miami
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From NBC Miami:

A West Palm Beach, Florida, man listed his occupation on an arrest report as "drug dealer,'' police say.

Deputies say 25-year-old Robert Phillips was arrested Tuesday after he cut in front of an unmarked Palm Beach County Sheriff's car and nearly caused a crash. A records check found that Phillips was driving a stolen car.
drugs florida Probably bad News news - 8421306624
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From the Tampa Bay Times:

When he was arrested at a Kmart in Hudson on Monday, the Pasco County Sheriff's Office said, Balmer, 50, was wearing a black shirt. Across the chest it said "Who needs drugs?"

Below that it said: "No, seriously, I have drugs."

And, the sheriff said, he had drugs.
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If you saw that headline and didn't immediately think "FLORIDA," you haven't been paying attention.

Sean Petrozzino (above) inspired many in his fight with bacterial meningitis, which prompted surgeries to remove his infected hands and legs. Now, however, he's on the run and declared a "person of interest" after his parents were found dead in their home.

You can't make this stuff up.

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Rick Scott may have won the race for Florida governor, but a mysterious masked man is stealing his thunder.

Interrupting on air news reporters is an age old tradition, and now thanks to Florida, we have our latest contender in the battle to become the next viral sensation: Captain Hornblaster.

ABC Action News reporter Sarina Fazan was busy discussing Charlie Crist, when he appeared behind her shouting his name.

Fazan was unphased, but a few questions remain: What is the true identity of Mr. Hornblaster, and will he be running in 2016?

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Via The Week
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Jasmine Tridevil, a Florida massage therapist, says she sought the surgery in part to make herself "unattractive to men" (Total Recall fanboys might be in trouble still) and hopes to score her own MTV reality show out of her notoriety. What a world we live in...

[UPDATE] Surprising absolutely no one, plastic surgeons chiming in are highly skeptical about the plausibility of this kind of story, and the video interview with Tridevil doesn't really help her case at all.

completely relevant news news alligator Kickass Kid florida BAMF g rated win - 8284641792
Via Uproxx
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Nine-year-old James Barney Jr. of Florida was taking a dip in a lake when a 400 pound alligator tried to make a meal of him. Miraculously, the boy fended him off with a few quick hits and Barney only has bite marks to show from it. In a few years if you meet someone by the same name, be very careful during your game of "Two Truths and a Lie," is all we're saying.

Check out some of the interview footage via Huffington Post here:


Criminally Dumb Criminal news florida Probably bad News - 8225403392
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If you read that headline and thought "I bet this happened in Florida," then congratulations! There's a milkshake for you in the fridge as a prize. Go ahead, check it! A choice quote from the story:

The deputies searched Mitchell and fount 23 grams of marijuana hidden under his fat. Police also found a handgun in the middle console and $7,000 in cash stuffed in a tube sock. The suspects tried to hide the smell of drugs with carpet freshener and scented dryer sheets, but that didn't work.