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funny tweets and jokes from tumblr and twitter | utopians Follow Throwback 2016 told my sister "they're making another planet earth" and she just like. raised an eyebrow and said this absolutely deadpan condescending tone "and where are they getting dirt and had specify meant planet earth nature documentary not celestial body

Tumblr Gems and Funny Tweets to Haughtily Guffaw At

25 Technically Correct Moments That Are Absolutely Not Wrong

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stupid, clever puns and dad jokes | Spaniards harvested these crystals and sent them by ship back Europe then first determined many quartz were galleon. | My New Year's resolution sucks NEW YEARS

A Puddle of Puns to Roll Around In

Mortician on dating app gets a lot of puns from one person | As comedian am very much resisting urge make so many deaths puns right now. Must mean like Oh my god no let rip love hearing jokes about So is why on hinge? Cause think romance is dead should let stay night and practice while sleep. Might get stiff though 5"10, Im glad my height doesn't matter since like 6 feet under. Since are pandemic don't come on date with if are coffin If wanna impress need urn These puns dont get better they only

Mortician on Dating App Gets Slammed With Puns

A collection of funny items from the antiques roadshow | weird little puppet Worst Thing Could Find $0.05-$0.06

Comedy Gold From The Antiques Roadshow

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funny dad jokes | can't remember write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 Roman numerals IM LIVID sweaterkittensahoy Everyone go home. Puns are done.

Stupid and Clever Dad Jokes to Love and Hate

A collection of loopholes that people were able to successfully exploit for years | BarnabyMoose 1d 8 4 Awards high school, our p.e. grade based on improvement took skills test at beginning and another at end and grade based on much improved. So, once learned always sucked at first test and then did miraculously better at second, so had massive "improvement" and thus better grade.

Loopholes People Were Able To Exploit For Years

pranking neighbors after snowstorm

Rascal Pranks Neighbors After Snowstorm

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funny mad lads playing by their own rules | GingerKittyCat @kittycattwitch finally asked my grandpa why so many his books were wrapped duct tape. His response tape covers so looks like bible and can read during church. | scruched This lawnmower cost way too much be only cutting grass finna ride Subway

Mad Lads Who Blazed Their Own Path

funny moments and jokes that are technically accurate | order prepare his role Space Jam 1996 actor Michael Jordan played nine seasons professional basketball and won three national championships. | MOUNT RUSHMORE BEFORE CARVED Its natural beauty unpresidented.

Technically Accurate Moments That Aren't Totally Incorrect

funny dad jokes | Lord of the Rings best Shires HEINZ KISTERS MORS HEINZ RCESTERS 20% MORE 20% MORE HEINZ MORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE HEINZ WORCESTERSHIRE ZNI3H RCESTERS HON NO | BEFORE CALCULATORS PEOPLE USED AN ABBA Kiss abacus

A Motherload of Devastating Dad Jokes

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A collection of rare insults that deserve extra points for being so clever | He looks like if Justin Bieber morphed into Slenderman and made better songs Vitas | Listening Kanye is like sorting by “new" on shower thoughts subreddit

Rare Insults That Creatively Dismantled Their Foes

A collection of comebacks that were too clever for their own good | They think haircuts are un-American Well very observant them because aren't American, actually The Beatles | Boomers: Why are there holes jeans rip those yourself? Gen Z: Why are there holes ozone rip those yourself? Millennials: laughing Leo Dicaprio

Clever Comebacks That Deserve Gold Stars

funny, literal and technically accurate moments | Shoplifters they see shop Amish people lifting picking up a barn building and moving it

Literal Moments and Memes that are Technically Correct

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wholesome tumblr dragon story pun | Early one morning pull down favourite cup, only find small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside. archmarastyden Confused and still half asleep take cup outside empty dragon carefully onto grass, then return rinse cup and make coffee next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside cup as before and repeat process.

Wholesome Tumblr Dragon Story Makes Way for Dumb Pun

A collection of clever comebacks that destroyed their recipients | Can do $250? Only have 100 Then don't need bill counter

Mercilessly Clever Comebacks And Rare Insults

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‘She quit a week later. Three others followed. All four mentioned the "family" hypocrisy’: CEO calls company family for years, denies financial help to a longtime employee after she loses her house, then criticizes her for not being “team player”

‘She quit a week later. Three others followed. All four mentioned the "family" hypocrisy’: CEO calls company family for years, denies financial help to a longtime employee after she loses her house, then criticizes her for not being “team player”

'Guess I'll take lunch then': New manager triples employees' workload, refusing to let anyone go home before everyone is done, employee uses their lunch break to "avoid" working

'Guess I'll take lunch then': New manager triples employees' workload, refusing to let anyone go home before everyone is done, employee uses their lunch break to "avoid" working

Employee refuses to attend a mandatory, unpaid Saturday team-building event so he can spend quality time with his child, sparking workplace conflict as his boss questions his commitment to “company culture”: ‘Saturday is my one full day with my kid’

Employee refuses to attend a mandatory, unpaid Saturday team-building event so he can spend quality time with his child, sparking workplace conflict as his boss questions his commitment to “company culture”: ‘Saturday is my one full day with my kid’

Employee uses obscure employee handbook loophole to take PTO when their boss forbids them from taking it before it expires: 'PTO requests not explicitly denied [...] within 48 business hours are [...] approved.”'

Employee uses obscure employee handbook loophole to take PTO when their boss forbids them from taking it before it expires: 'PTO requests not explicitly denied [...] within 48 business hours are [...] approved.”'

Leech roommate living for free finally moves out after she's asked to contribute only $6 to dinner: ‘Good riddance!’

Leech roommate living for free finally moves out after she's asked to contribute only $6 to dinner: ‘Good riddance!’

Neighboring family stores 1 of their 3 vehicles in next-door resident's driveway without their authorization, their reasoning being that it's not currently in use: ‘Street parking is free’

Neighboring family stores 1 of their 3 vehicles in next-door resident's driveway without their authorization, their reasoning being that it's not currently in use: ‘Street parking is free’

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