dating

Dating is a tricky place. Whether it's online, blind, or a witty pick up line at the bar, the ways to start that dance are nearly endless. Unfortunately, some people still don't manage to navigate its nuances, and end up a lesson what not to do.

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Ted is here to bring you the gift of "sitting on the couch," "complaining about the Cubs," and "asking for another beer." Truly he is a deity among men.

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You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!

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DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.