dating

We're all looking for someone to love, even Bubba here.

Good shoes are worth their weight in gold.

Ted is here to bring you the gift of "sitting on the couch," "complaining about the Cubs," and "asking for another beer." Truly he is a deity among men.

You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!

Loving of t-shirt all time, the excellent!

DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.