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Prepared for the Apocalypse, Baby

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And That's Why We Don't Have Knives in the House Anymore

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Our Kids Won't Be Able to Play With This, Sadly

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More Effective than a Kryptonite Lock

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Marcy's Mom Doesn't Even Own a Cat

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Protect Ya (Baby's) Neck

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Grandma Can Get Behind this "Tower Defense" Mechanism

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Mom's Advice Never Made Much Sense

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Still Safer Than Playing on a Rusty Swing Set

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Just a Monkey and a Phone, No Big Deal

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You Know, the "Vroom Vroom" Kind of White

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He Said He Wanted to Stay the Night with a Friend!

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Don't Worry, Most Legal Adults Can't Turn Over a Chainsaw on the First Try

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That Was Always My Favorite Picture of Him. Her. It.

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Big Money, Big Money, No Babies, No Babies, Wait...