oh god why

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Via KSBY
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If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:



Hat tip to Uproxx.

cow Probably bad News news oh god why - 8421309440
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Once a Nazi cow, always a Nazi cow.

A british farmer named Derek Gow (not a Nazi) recently killed and ate some of his Nazi-bred cattle after discovering they were too violent towards him and his staff to keep around the farm.

He originally imported 13 of the rare "Heck" cattle, which were genetically modified beasts created for the Nazi regime by German zoologists Heinz and Lutz Heck back in the 1930s.

Adolf Hitler wanted to bring the legendary Auroch back to life, an aggressive beast with large horns that went extinct back in the 1600s.

The Nazi scientists combined Spanish fighting bulls with Highland cattle and several other breeds to produce the monsters, which were then used as propaganda.

Most of them were destroyed after the war, but some survived. Gow received his herd from Belgium in 2009, marking the first time the creatures have appeared in England in 4000 years.

The meat from the Nazi cows that were slaughtered will be sold to stores in Europe, says Gow. He tried sausages made from the animals and described it as "very tasty."

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There are super fans, and then there are super crazy fans.

This Venezuelan man is one of the latter.

Henry Damon had his nose chipped off along with several other surgeries to make him look more like the villain Red Skull from Captain America.

"He has loved comic books since he was a kid and always dreamed of being Red Skull, but never got round to doing it," said one of his friends.

Damon now goes by the name "Red Skull" and in addition to the nose removal, he also had his eyeballs tattooed black, his face tattooed red and black and subdermal lumps added to his forehead.

His next step is to get silicone implants on the cheekbones, chin and cheeks and dye his entire face red.

Maybe he should have opted for the Chris Evans look instead.

By Unknown
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That would be Jim DeBerry, the force behind this ass-backwards commercial for McCutcheon & Hamner, P.C. Attorneys at Law. DeBerry, never one to back down from the "PC Police" apparently, defended accusations of racism with the classic "but I have Asian friends" defense.

Remember, dime-store costumes and bad accents that would make the suits behind old-school Aunt Jemima squirm are totally acceptable so long as you have friends. The wisdom of life, right here.