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Make a list and never follow up on it. That's the way to procrastinate. Luckily you can just as easily procrastinate with a bunch of hilarious lists. Win-win.
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Employee gets punished for being great at his job, so he decides to stop trying at all: 'Even though I performed my duties better than the others in my department, I was effectively punished for being so good.'
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Hiring managers accidentally send post-interview discussion to a job candidate, leading candidate to hear everything they had to say about her: ‘Well, that's authentic feedback’
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Friend steps out of cohosting a cookout as she was in charge of all the expenses for people that aren't even her friends: 'I’d rather attend as a regular guest.'
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A hardworking man refuses to let his brother live rent-free in his second flat after years of saving to buy it: ‘I can't set myself on fire to keep him warm’
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29-year-old homeowner comes home to find her brother unpacking in her house after her parents secretly gave him her emergency key: 'Once he was already inside, you'd calm down'
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