poop

And the best part is, he can calculate exactly how many tax dollars he's earning with the Poop Salary app!

never leave your phone lying at the dinner table unattended

HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH ANOTHER FANTASTIC PRODUCT

IF YOU'RE LIKE OTHER AMERICANS YOU LOVE TO EAT CHIPOTLE

BUT YOU HATE ALL THOSE TERRIBLE BLOOD STAINS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR

WE'VE GOT THE PERFECT PRODUCT FOR YOU

The question is, if she's out celebrating, where's Joey? Sitting at home alone while he reads happy birthday texts from people who are partying without him? Diff'rent strokes, I guess.

It's been a growing trend in fanfiction communities to imagine two characters texting each other, especially for TV shows like Glee. Like most fanfic, it's hard to imagine why anyone would take time to write or read this stuff, especially when you get crap (literally) like this. Whatever works for you, I guess...