drinking

drinking drunk drunk driving siri - 5843834624
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I don't have any opposable thumbs. Or hands. Don't be ridiculous.

drinking insult insulting neighbor oops wrong number - 5688087040
By aresha
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From the submitter:

Bane of my existence constantly coming to my door because she is allergic to music.

Sadly, your relationship with your neighbor has just been taken to a whole different level of awkward.

birthday crap drinking drunk mistext poop shot spelling - 5378901760
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The question is, if she's out celebrating, where's Joey? Sitting at home alone while he reads happy birthday texts from people who are partying without him? Diff'rent strokes, I guess.

complicated drinking drunk drunk text fat fingers hard martinis old translator - 6035593984
By Unknown
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Are you sure you meant to say "complicated?" Are you sure you didn't mean to say "Oh god. So drunk right now. Why did I have so many martinis whyyyyyyy?"

AutocoWrecks drinking drunk drunk driving g rated Hall of Fame last night - 5719618816
By Unknown
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Someone had left a plastic knife on the seat, and you said "Sorry, I can't drive stick."

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21 Drunk & Morning After Texts That Are As Dubious As They Are Entertaining

It's been almost a decade since people started enjoying the schadenfreude and humor of reading drunk texts, but this sht just doesn't get old. And fortunately for all of us, until we all need to be certified sober to send texts, there will be an endless amount of wild and hilarious exchanges. 

Warning: some of these *might be falsified, but we're gonna let that slide because they're still funny as hell.

Funny drunk texts and texts from the morning after.
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alcohol alcohol poisoning drinking liquor stores siri - 5443639296
By Unknown
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Siri is like that loud sweaty guy who's in or comes from a frat, who says "Dude! Stand up and take another shot bro! Come on, you can do this!" to the guy who can't figure out where the floor is.

drinking drunk failblog last night meta obviously has no idea of how voting works - 5855244800
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Downvoted into oblivion? Dude, the "you were so drunk last night" posts regularly scored 4.5/5 thumbs out of almost a thousand votes when we had voting on the front page, to say nothing of how well they (still) do on the vote page, which is how they make the front page in the first place. Sorry bro, but you're still in the minority for now.

/rant