(Mom and I watching "The First Wives' Club")
Mom: You know, if your dad ever wanted to divorce me, I think I'd just murder him.
Me: What, why?
Mom: Because I'd rather be a widow than a first wife.
(Me playing Plants vs. Zombies)
Grandma: Hey! That is a funny game! Those grey guys look like your grandfather. He likes fighting with my plants too. But at least he doesn't eat them. Well, not always.
(A while ago, when I was a young child.)
Me: What's plastic surgery?
Dad: It's when they take out your lungs and dip them in corn syrup.
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