email

I can tell by the keystrokes...

Can I reply to do-not-respond?

Only important to you, my friend.

Actual email to actual employees.

"I believe it was so hot that it allowed me to temporarily gain the gift of human speech, seeing as I'm a frogman and all tha-ribbit ribbit ribbit ribbit."

I say we man an attack on Krispy Kreme if it isn't!

"Team, There is an issue in the Men's restroom located next to the [censored] account. Someone is marking the restroom wall, in the first closet stall, with feces in the shape of a swastika. This is the fourth time in the last year this act has been done. This is not only disgusting but it is a safety health issue. If caught you will be terminated as this is not a joke or funny in any way. If you know anything about this please let me know so we can address this issue ASAP."

"However, if you take out a life insurance policy with us, you'll be good to go!"

Al thes dumases tryna snd me msgs or w/e. LERN2EMAIL!!!