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If you had a hankering for totally gratuitous custom gun modification today, then LOOK NO FURTHER! Remember, guns don't kill people. Guns kill zombies.

A man from the Henan province in China attached an 80 kg weight to his family jewels as a part of a contest, swinging the thing 320 times in ten minutes before being declared the world record holder in "ridiculous crazy nonsense."

Context? Who needs context, you have a SANTA PARROT RIDING A SWEET BIKE!

For the record, yes we here at WIN! are twelve years old.

And here I thought this was just a competition from old Nickelodeon game shows...

The joint is called "Modern Toilet," and yes the soups are served exactly how you'd expect: