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Make a list and never follow up on it. That's the way to procrastinate. Luckily you can just as easily procrastinate with a bunch of hilarious lists. Win-win.
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Grandchild spends months arranging to buy grandmother's garden, cousin suddenly changes his mind and claims it for himself: 'Why hasn't he done anything to acquire it before?'
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Entitled boss fires employee to replace him with AI but then demands he come back to blame him for the AI’s mistakes: 'There is a TV monitor showing an interactive AI man who was the “analyst” that the clients can talk to'
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'It would otherwise be empty...' Homeowner discovers neighbor has been parking his SUV on his driveway while he's at work, so he installs a parking bollard and gets called 'passive aggressive'
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Diner leaves a dinner party early because the vegan lasagna didn’t fill him up: ‘There were no noodles, no cheese, and no sauce. It was basically layers of vegetables stacked together’
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Employee plans to leave his job without notice and refuses to train his designated successor: 'If anything remotely related to "what she does" is brought up by the employees, I tell them that they'll have to reach out to her, and I can't help them'
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