the onion

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It Almost Makes You Think About the Penitentary System or Something

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Yes, the Doctor is Definitely the Idiot Here

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Flying Just Isn't the Same These Days

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The Hard Body, the Hot Blood, and the Holy Spirit

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We All Have Our Own Personal Gorillas to Deal With

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This is One of Those Onion Headlines That's too Close to True

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We Also Didn't Think People Could be This Dumb

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The Lombardi Trophy of Broken Dreams

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Sometimes True, Sometimes False, Always a Fail

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These Geniuses Finally Have Woody Allen by the Short Hairs

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Yes, He's Stupid... And He's Not the Only One...

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Hobbits Are Real U Guis!

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Another Victim of The Onion

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More Dangerous Than Ever Imagined

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Perfect Timeline Placement

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The Onion's 5 Tips to Succeed as a Woman in the Office

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Camper refuses to bring daughter-in-law Jane on family kayaking trip: '[My son] has told me he can’t go if she isn’t invited, and I stuck to my decision'

Camper refuses to bring daughter-in-law Jane on family kayaking trip: '[My son] has told me he can’t go if she isn’t invited, and I stuck to my decision'

Museum curator takes credit for archivist's research, then embarrasses herself in front of major donor: 'I thought you were working on this together?'

Museum curator takes credit for archivist's research, then embarrasses herself in front of major donor: 'I thought you were working on this together?'

Grocery store manager treats employee like enemy #1 for no reason, so he secretly quits mid-shift and leaves her hanging: 'I didn't have to tolerate being talked to like that.'

Grocery store manager treats employee like enemy #1 for no reason, so he secretly quits mid-shift and leaves her hanging: 'I didn't have to tolerate being talked to like that.'

Dad pulls 15-year-old daughter out of gymnastics against his wife's wishes in order to protect her when he discovers why she wants to leave the sport: 'She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing'

Dad pulls 15-year-old daughter out of gymnastics against his wife's wishes in order to protect her when he discovers why she wants to leave the sport: 'She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing'

Overworked admin quits after months of late paychecks and being denied wedding time off, CFO demands she trains her replacement during her honeymoon, worried she won't receive final paycheck if she refuses: 'This was my last straw'

Overworked admin quits after months of late paychecks and being denied wedding time off, CFO demands she trains her replacement during her honeymoon, worried she won't receive final paycheck if she refuses: 'This was my last straw'

Hardware store owner demands employee pay for damage a customer caused: ‘Nothing I did caused it’

Hardware store owner demands employee pay for damage a customer caused: ‘Nothing I did caused it’