That Capercaillie looks so much like a dang Pokémon we really thought this was some Pokémon GO trickery for a hot second. Seriously, can't imagine what would be racing through one's mind if you were out skiing, enjoying the wintry scenery, and then came across this bad boy. Wow.
It's one of those record scratch "how did I get here" moments that no one wants to find themselves in. This poor dude found himself hanging from a ski lift, to be caught in the waiting net of ski patrol, with plenty of inconvenienced strangers waiting for him to fall. At least it wasn't that high up.
If you're going to sign yourself up for skiing down an impossibly overcrowded mountain for the sake of chasing down a world record; it might as well look like you're at the beach while you're at it right? The footage for their attempt turned out pretty damn awesome as well!
This dude is paying lip service, literally.
Ski instructor Natty Hagood is a pretty extreme dude. How extreme? So extreme that he refers to impaling his lip on a branch as cutting it "a little to close to a tree while skiing." Yup, while skiing he crashed into a tree and a branch went through his lip.
He seems to think it's pretty cool, though.
via GoFundMe
“I thought maybe my chinstrap got pushed up into my face, so I tried to brush it off and that’s when I felt the stick,” Hagood told the Idaho State Journal. “So, I shook left to right and saw the stick moving in my peripherals. I reached out and grabbed it and wiggled it before realizing it was pretty far in there.”
Hagood is fine. He was able to pay off his dectuctable of $1,250 with the help of a GoFundMe.
But man, these pictures are surreal. Check out the before and after:
via GoFundMe
Meet Elias Ambühl, one crazy-ass SOB.
He just broke a world record by skiing a mountain at Arosa Ski Resort in Switzerland, reaching speeds of 81.5 mph.
So yeah, this dude's ca-razy.
Now that's not faster than the fastest skiier ever, Ivan Origone, who went 158.4 mph last year. But it's pretty dog-gone fast, especially backwards.
What better way to celebrate 25 years of being in business as a leading production company (Matchstick Productions) with a taste for filming the death-defying stunts performed by maniacal adrenaline junkies, than to drop a supercut video that touts the worst of the worst wipeouts.
I'm feeling some legit placebo pain right now, bro. My bones hurt, and my toes are cold, and I want a giant cup of supremely spiked hot fucking cocoa after watching all these. Anyone else? How about a round for the table.
Sometimes it feels like life's never-ending cavalcade of misery will crush us all and can only hope that the sweet embrace of the afterlife will..
Oh, you mean, there's hope?
Yes, there's hope. Take this skier who went off a mountain and survived. If he can make it, why can't we?
There are moments in your life when you should realize that you’re too drunk to do something.
If you trip on your way to the car, don’t drive. If you hit yourself in the face with a bowling ball, don’t bowl. And if you can’t even get your skis on, don’t ski.
Someone should’ve told this dude, who French Instagram user vicdohria refers to “Jerry of the Day,” before typing “L'alcool c'est mal m’voyez!” which translates to “alcohol is bad.”
Too drunk to get his skis on, watch in awe as he perseveres. He wants to ski. He needs to ski. But alas, his brain don’t work good.
You know what is good, this video.
H/T Uproxx
So you missed your bus, at least you aren’t this skier who started an avalanche on Mt. St. Helens in Washington. Whoopsy doodles!
If it hasn’t been your day, your week, or even your year, at least you didn’t start an avalanche. Take this knowledge and go forth into the world.
Some people snow day and then some people SNOW DAY.
This dude decided to do the latter. Check out this video of him skiing the streets of Raleigh, NC on an awesome snow day.
Not filmed: Him saving a cat from a tree, putting a fire at an elementary school out with his breath, and cracking a beer by friggin’ looking at it.
