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Mom Thinks Sleep Paralysis is Literally Satan

For those not in the know, sleep paralysis is a pretty common phenomenon that's found all across the globe. You find yourself sort of in between being asleep and being awake, like you're conscious, but you can't move or speak. An episode of sleep paralysis can be accompanied by hallucinations that look like a face or figure, and that's commonly referred to as a demon or a visitor. It's pretty god damn scary. Anyway, this person told their mom and it backfired. People mess up, and sometimes that screw up is in their control. Here's a guy who thought a date was a job interview.

Mom thinks sleep paralysis demon is the devil | Posted by u/megs_wags 13 hours ago 2 TIFU by showing my mom drawing my sleep paralysis visitor get sleep paralysis have past few years off and on. Usually every couple months get sleep paralysis dream talked my parents about before fuck up is not they know fuck up is decided try drawing saw over my bed last night. And then sent picture my mom.
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Mistaken Christian Mom Upset By Color Wheel

An outspoken few of us are scouring our lives looking for unwholesome imagery in television, music and apparently, elementary school art exercises. Some real wild stuff gets passed off as legit by mom groups. This misunderstanding had some extra facepalm on it. Fittingly, people made an even bigger mockery of the situation. Being a teacher can be hard especially when it comes to wild parent teacher conferences.

Offended christian mom thinks color wheel is satanic imagery | Elementary Art Teachers K-5th had talk parent today because student concerned color wheel worksheet assigned looked too "satanic had hoped parent would see benign, but after talking with their pastor parent confirmed they didn't feel comfortable having their child complete image all respecting beliefs but completely beside myself! star of david with different colors at the edges
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It kinda reminds us of English class when you would get to read as far into the lines as possible and just free-wheel a meaning for anything. We'd like to see what she thinks of redbull. Bull? Like a beast with horns? Red, like the color of Satan? It gives you wings? Like a fallen angel? Redbull is also the devil, y'all.

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Satan Has A Twitter Account And His Social Media Game Is Strong

It shouldn't come as any surprise that Satan's Twitter game is devilishly clever. He's taken to Twitter more recently to spice up the mess with his own hot takes on the madness of existence, and how he feels about the land down under. 

twitter account of satan
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Via RWW Blog
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Obviously anyone with some common sense would connect the dots between a plant-based burger and dark satanism-fueled plans. In this case, the Impossible Burger. Truly groundbreaking news here from one absolute nut, Rick Wiles. 

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10 Times The Church Of Satan Shut Down Trolls On Twitter

The Church of Satan is NOT messing around with their Twitter game. They regularly get jabbed by trolls looking to get a rise out of them on Twitter, and seem to have their banter worked out to a science. 

funny tweets from the church of satan
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25 Infuriatingly Misleading Products Designed by the Devil Himself

Sometimes the fine print won't even help you. These immoral businesses tried to swindle customers with misleading bait and switch tactics, as well as comically strange lying strategies. We could give them credit for being clever, but we don't want to.

misleading products and false advertising
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Satan, Dark Lord of the Underworld, and Comedy God of Twitter

It turns out, when he's not busy torturing the souls of the damned, Satan runs a pretty impressive Twitter handle under the call tag "S8n"

twitter satan funny - 4314373
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10 Times Satan's Twitter Account Was a Dark-Humored Laugh Factory

Lucifer H. Morningstar is too lit for his own good right now. Can we please get the Twitter battle we deserve between him and Mr. DJ Trump? Why not? We've made it this far. 

Times Satan's Twitter account was a dark humored laughing factory.
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The Satanic Temple (TST) has announced that this coming school year (2016) will find their organization operating in elementary schools across the nation where they will be offering their new After School Satan Club program to students. While the presence of a religious organization in public schools will no doubt be shocking to some, evangelical litigants -- primarily the Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) represented by lawyers from the Liberty Counsel -- have solidly established the legal rights of religious organizations to operate clubs in public schools.

According to the CEF website, “[...] the United States Supreme Court ruled that a public school which allows use of its facilities to secular groups may not discriminate against religious groups.” And now that the CEF has established its Bible-based Good News Clubs across the nation, TST are eager to offer their own after school clubs, which will focus upon “critical reasoning, independent-thinking, fun, and freethought.”

Elaborating the mission of the After School Satan Clubs, Greaves states, “It’s important that children be given an opportunity to realize that the religious materials now creeping into their schools are representative of but one religious opinion amongst many. While the Good News Clubs focus on indoctrination of children by way of evangelism, instilling them with a fear of Hell and God’s wrath, After School Satan Clubs will focus on free inquiry and rationalism, the scientific basis for which we know what we know about the world around us. We prefer to give children an appreciation of the natural wonders surrounding them, not a fear of everlasting other-worldly horrors.”

jokes satan bus The Addition of a '666' Bus in Singapore Spawns so Many Satan Jokes
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People in Singapore are having a devil of a time deciding what to do about the new '666' bus line. 666 is considered by the superstitious to be the "number of the beast" in reference to Satan.  Some of the Facebook comments on the Land Transport Authority announcement say using this number is insensitive. Others argue that it's perfectly reasonable. 

The rest of the commenters just showed up to make jokes. 
via Singapore Land Transport Authority

Hopefully the '666' bus driver will have a sense of humor, these jokes will probably only stop when Hell freezes over. 

via relay

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Thanksgiving is coming up, you'll definitely want this recipe for your family dinner!