oh god why

funny-news-fail-australia-spider-rain
Via SMH
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Millions of baby spiders appeared to rain down from the sky earlier this month in the Southern Tablelands in Australia. One resident described the effect it had on their home as such: "The whole place was covered in these little black spiderlings and when I looked up at the sun it was like this tunnel of webs going up for a couple of hundred metres into the sky."

Read that again and try not to let your mind implode from the Lovecraftian horror from it all.

The phenomenon is (terrifyingly) not that uncommon. Apparently the spiders "balloon" by throwing out sheets of webbing and use the winds to carry themselves around. When weather conditions are poor, none of the spiders go anywhere of course. But when the weather picks up again, they all leave in one terrifying hell-swarm.

Again, a salute to the brave (insane?) people who continue to call the continent of Australia their home.

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Matt Stonie doesn’t savor his food, he demolishes it.

Five years ago, the competitive eater challenged himself to eat a massive burrito as quickly as possible, and he managed to do it in about 15 minutes, according to The Mirror.

To celebrate having 500k followers on YouTube, he recently tried it again and completely crushed his previous record.

“Burritozilla,” as it is called, weighs 5 pounds and is 18-inches long.

Watch him scarf it down in about 1 minutes and 50 seconds.

Stonie has participated in plenty of other food challenges in the past, which you an check out on his YouTube channel, involving pretty much anything you can imagine, including bacon, poutine, egge nog, Twinkies and marshmallow Peeps.

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According to the Youtube description, the driver fell unconscious due to a medical condition. Luckily, it was only his car that got wrecked in the process.

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This took place at the Largada Fiesta del Surubi, a fishing tournament that takes place every year in Goya, Argentina. Gotta love the way those terror screams turn into nervous laughter at the end.

funny-news-fail-wtf-school-lunch-meat
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High school students in Hawkins County, Tennessee were served up some 6-year old pork last week for lunch, and while no one has gotten sick yet, the news is not sitting well with anyone.

A cook at a local primary school (who didn’t serve the meat) sent a photo of the pork to a city commissioner named Michael Herrell, who discovered that it had also been distributed to several other schools in the area.

Cafeteria workers at Cherokee High School said “that it smelled so bad they made gravy to put over the meat,” according to News Channel 11.

And at another high school the smell was apparently so bad that it reportedly stunk up the halls.

Despite the putrid meat being so old and smelly, some students “even came back for seconds,” according to WISH TV.

Which is mildly disturbing.

A rep from the USDA told Yahoo that there probably wasn’t any danger in eating it, but it “should be consumed within four to 12 months of freezing.”

The director of schools, Steve Starnes, has since ordered that an inventory be taken of all the food in the freezers, although you think that sort of thing would have already been in place.