On the bottom here we have your standard-issue "stocky guy," and up top we have "out of shape dad." I have a feeling you'll be pleased with this hybrid model of beach bod!
Great, Siri's acting catty just because she's a slender two and a half inches.
And clearly you both needed some more sunscreen. Let that molting skin be a reminder that we didn't come to the Pearl Jam concert to see this.
We won't judge if you want to do your Hulk impression in a tiny shirt. Go for it!
If the dress were any smaller, those would be on your chin, lady!
I have never been so happy to see a paunch in my entire life. Thank you, thank you for protecting us from that sight.