whoops

On second thought, how about hats? Do you like hats? I LOVE hats.

Get ready to start Summer FAIL School right here!

I suppose they're unisex, though you normally don't want to see the kinds of guys that need them without a shirt. Do you know how hard it is to model men's sports bras?

Or at least, why I stopped shaving at the all-beige outlet mall.

Nah, I mean E.T. was over twenty years ago, we can joke about it now.

Not pictured: "Hott Stuffz," "Melts In Your Mouth," "Moped," "Toot it and Boot It," and "Ohio State Rodeo Champion 1998."

Don't worry, you can take that bracelet back eventually!

I mean, not for three weeks of the month, at least.

And by "better you feel" you mean "after you plant your face on the ground"?

I've always been something of a "floating bone" person myself.

I mean like, so excited that you could barely contain yourself? Like, you're just overflowing with feelings of anticipation? Like you can barely hold yourself in? Yeah, it's a pretty great feeling.

Remember people: The answer is always another slice of pizza.

FIRST LESSON IN BASIC TRAINING: DON'T MIX BLEACH WITH YOUR MIXED-LOAD LAUNDRY, SOLDIER. THAT'S A RECIPE FOR A MAJOR FASHION INFRACTION

Somehow I don't imagine this was the "Community Outreach" anybody was hoping for.