whoops

I mean, not for three weeks of the month, at least.

Alternatively, stick to low-light environments.

FIRST LESSON IN BASIC TRAINING: DON'T MIX BLEACH WITH YOUR MIXED-LOAD LAUNDRY, SOLDIER. THAT'S A RECIPE FOR A MAJOR FASHION INFRACTION

On second thought, how about hats? Do you like hats? I LOVE hats.

Somehow I don't imagine this was the "Community Outreach" anybody was hoping for.

Not pictured: "Hott Stuffz," "Melts In Your Mouth," "Moped," "Toot it and Boot It," and "Ohio State Rodeo Champion 1998."

Or at least, why I stopped shaving at the all-beige outlet mall.

I mean, the least you could do is match the underwear with the bag, sheesh.

Side slit, back slit, FRONT slit even, but the elusive "double slit" has yet to truly catch on.

Oh, and beefing it. Lots and lots and lots of beefing it.

You're so clever I almost forgot how immature it is to call attention to your dude-parts like that. Oh wait.

For Queen and Country (Music), chaps and patriots! Looks like a bit of an Engrish problem to me...

Sorry, I didn't realize I was in the little green monster's room. It was hard to tell judging by the sign!