Go directly to undie jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
I spend extra money on the drawstring bags and this is what you use them for? Thanks for nothing, dude.
Seriously, what is that? The Two-Face of outrageous costumes? One side is all "I'm an underdressed leather-wearing biker" and the other side is "I'm underdressed?"
"What are all these straps for? In my day we had one for your lady-bits and that was it. And those things could weather a class-three gale! Look at this lace! A stiff wind and this thing is toast!"