lingerie

A list of our grievances with your Etsy listing:

1. It's obvious you love your body, and that's great, especially after it's been through at least one pregnancy and labor. But you're on a site for selling handmade craft products, not your body, so please consider that before you point the camera directly at the cavernous maw between your widely spread legs.

2. You're modelling the same string bikini you're selling? Anyone who even considers buying it will have to take into account that it's already been used as your own personal butthole floss.

3. Of all the parts of your body, those areas are the WORST to get wool-induced itchiness and rashes.

4. NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS??!!?!??!????? (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

"What are all these straps for? In my day we had one for your lady-bits and that was it. And those things could weather a class-three gale! Look at this lace! A stiff wind and this thing is toast!"

Seriously, what is that? The Two-Face of outrageous costumes? One side is all "I'm an underdressed leather-wearing biker" and the other side is "I'm underdressed?"

But who will protect your eyes?

Nice gams, Carl!

Please, come to the bed. It's warm and cozy here in the bed.