(Mom upon opening her package of syringes she ordered for nursing purposes) Mom: Sweet, they got here early! Me: Why do you even... Mom: Practice, now get over here and let's find a vein. Me: ... How about no. Mom: Oh, that's alright then. You have to sleep eventually.
Better start running, Jim.
Dad: I did alot of crazy things when I was a kid. Me: Like what? Dad: Well once I did a whole bunch of cocaine and threw a TV through a ten story window. Good thing you only do pot. Me: I... I got nothin'...
