(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.) Mom: Any nice boys in your class? Me: No. Mom: Any nice boys in another class? Me: No. Mom: Do you even look at the boys? Me: ... No, not really. Mom: You prefer girls? Me: ... Yes. Mom: Any nice girls in your class?
Dad: You know what I'll do when you bring a boy you like to meet me? Me(a little worried): What? Dad: I'll take him out into the yard to talk with him. Make him dig a hole, then bury him in it.
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*phone rings* Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking! Mom's boyfriend: *hangs up* Mom: Why'd you do that!? Me: Don't worry he'll be by to pick up his fried raccoon in an hour.
Are these parenting/relationship goals or what? You can just see the husband rocking a devilish grin as he mischievously (albeit hornily) messes with his wife, while tending to the otherwise mundane parenting duties.
Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
Mom: You can't marry a guy with a big butt. Big butts run in our family; We have to breed them down! Me: Mom, there was this thing in the 20s and 30s, you may have heard of it... Eugenics? Mom: I like my breeding program better than Hitler's.
