From purse to rat motel

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The line between scalding and itching is a thin one

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The ratio of my hair to dust in the vacuum is frightening

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Saved the lock, broke my foot

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My humps, my lovely lady...OW

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There's a little bit of those pull-ups in everyone's whites now

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I really need to rethink the way I speak to animals

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Stupid battery-powered technology...

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Not even a tough decision

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Angry Birds claims yet another victim

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Yeah, I see the anals almost every day

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This is what I get for having pet lizards

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My house smells like dead mouse and peanut butter

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I was wondering where all that tip money was coming from

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Housekeeping! I clean now? I clean now.

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Suddenly I don't want my phone back anymore

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