spider

For maximum effect, have this playing in the background.

In other news, metro Vancouver has gone silent after reports of giant arachnid attack.

He should change his license plate to just say NOPE.

This massive spider could not have found a more inconvenient place to hang out, aside from on your face.

“Nothing worse than opening your car door and feeling something furry!” writes the uploader in the caption.

They found him just chilling beneath the handle, presumably when they stuck their hand up there to open it.

“It’s a bloody super spider,” he says. “Oh jesus!”

Fortunately, for everyone involved, it eventually plops down and scurries away.

WARNING: SERIOUSLY A TON OF SPIDERS (OR MAYBE DADDY LONGLEGS WHO KNOWS WE CLOSED THE VIDEO TOO QUICKLY). YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE EATING GRAPES FOREVER NOW SORRY NOPE NOPE NO MORE BANANAS FOR ME.

Dwayne Melton keeps 18 tarantulas in a crawl space in his home where they are hibernating for the winter, but he recently discovered that 5 of them were missing.

Note to self: never visit Dwayne.

AniMart Pets, a local exotic pet store in Georgia, called to say that someone had just brought in the stolen spiders and sold them for $60.

The shop thought the creatures might be his, because they were the ones who sold him them in the first place.

A man named Brandon L. Davis was arrested for the crime, and Melton's spiders are now also locked up for protection.