Probably bad News

cow Probably bad News news oh god why - 8421309440
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Once a Nazi cow, always a Nazi cow.

A british farmer named Derek Gow (not a Nazi) recently killed and ate some of his Nazi-bred cattle after discovering they were too violent towards him and his staff to keep around the farm.

He originally imported 13 of the rare "Heck" cattle, which were genetically modified beasts created for the Nazi regime by German zoologists Heinz and Lutz Heck back in the 1930s.

Adolf Hitler wanted to bring the legendary Auroch back to life, an aggressive beast with large horns that went extinct back in the 1600s.

The Nazi scientists combined Spanish fighting bulls with Highland cattle and several other breeds to produce the monsters, which were then used as propaganda.

Most of them were destroyed after the war, but some survived. Gow received his herd from Belgium in 2009, marking the first time the creatures have appeared in England in 4000 years.

The meat from the Nazi cows that were slaughtered will be sold to stores in Europe, says Gow. He tried sausages made from the animals and described it as "very tasty."

funny-news-fail-drug-dealer
Via NBC Miami
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From NBC Miami:

A West Palm Beach, Florida, man listed his occupation on an arrest report as "drug dealer,'' police say.

Deputies say 25-year-old Robert Phillips was arrested Tuesday after he cut in front of an unmarked Palm Beach County Sheriff's car and nearly caused a crash. A records check found that Phillips was driving a stolen car.
news poop drugs what Probably bad News police - 8405400064
Via Philly
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It only gets worse from there. From Philly:

A security guard told him to wait on a nearby bench, and Higgs apparently thought it was the perfect chance for a smoke break.

But he wasn't packing tobacco.

When the officer Higgs so desperately wanted to see came out, he smelled the marijuana immediately and took Higgs into custody.

And then the show began.

Higgs disrobed, while still babbling, and relieved his bowels on the floor of his holding cell, Chitwood said. Then, as if struck by artistic inspiration, Higgs grabbed his own feces and "wiped it all over the walls," he said.
dude parts Probably bad News news fail nation - 8220730624
Via Mirror
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According to Lan Tien, "It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit. Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result." One might use this as a teaching moment to talk about the safety of one's tally-whacker in the open air, but all we're left wondering is just HOW your jingle-jank can "fall" into an open pipe.

These are the mysteries of life, people.