Kill It With Fire

You have two options: Return your Mazda to a local dealer for repairs, or BURN IT TO THE GROUND IMMEDIATELY AND SAVE THE HUMAN RACE.

WARNING: SERIOUSLY A TON OF SPIDERS (OR MAYBE DADDY LONGLEGS WHO KNOWS WE CLOSED THE VIDEO TOO QUICKLY). YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

It seems like only two weeks ago a Kansas woman set her home on fire trying to deal with the ever-present spider menace. Well, the same thing has just happened with a Seattle man. From Komo News:

A man who lived at the home told fire officials he was trying to kill a spider in his laundry room using a can of spray paint and a lighter when the wall caught fire, according to Kyle Moore with the Seattle Fire Department. The man wasn't able to put the fire out himself, and he left the home when it began to spread.

Somewhere out there is a spider with burn wounds and a taste for vengeance. Congratulations, Seattle man, you've created the first spider super villain.

For maximum effect, have this playing in the background.

WARNING: This video contains several hundred times your daily recommended dose of spiders.