gross

TRICK QUESTION! It is nowhere on the bag anywhere. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to question everything forever now, because I have been living a processed-fake-cheese lie.

I C U adding that P

The pig had apparently been attacking a woman in her garden when she called the authorities to take care of it. They managed to subdue the animal (who had been distracted by a "decorative ball") and get it in their cop car. Then... well... this happened. 

Things were rough at the opening game for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. The stadium began a massive renovation project, but due to inclimate weather this past winter progress has been minimal. Despite all this, the Cubs insisted their field was prepared for opening day.

Cut to this weekend, where only two of the men's rooms in the entire stadium were functional. Literally thousands of fans waited in line for as long as an hour to take a leak, leading many to pee in cups, or make liquid graffiti of their names on the wall like children. Food shortages meant that many fans were left with nothing but french fries to snack on as the game progressed. 

The Cubs ended up losing their game 3-0 against the St. Louis Cardinals

Are cracker jacks and a beer really getting that expensive that you've got to hustle some cash at a baseball game?

The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.

WARNING: You read the headline, you know this is going to get a little gross. Also, probably a little fake.