gross

The Frankenfood is alive!

WARNING: You'll probably avoid eating at Pizza Hut for a month or so after seeing this.

TRICK QUESTION! It is nowhere on the bag anywhere. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to question everything forever now, because I have been living a processed-fake-cheese lie.

In an e-mail obtained by Government Executive, employees at the EPA were told to shape up after reported incident of feces being placed outside an office bathroom. Administrator Howard Cantor said "Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals." Poop shenanigan-doers, beware!

This comes after numerous other EPA misconduct incidents, including one employee pretending to be a CIA agent to get unlimited vacation time and another fessing up to spending as many as 6 hours a day watching naughty internet bits. Hats off to the Environmental Protection Agency though, it takes guts to be this blatantly incompetent and wasteful.

Here's Huffington Post's piece on the poopy situation with some more detail:

Nope. Nope. Nope.

An Oregon man found an whole rodent just chillin' inside his Subway sandwich. And if you think this is faked, like so many of these stories before, think again!

The state health department has confirmed that this actually took place.

Just look at that little guy—all comfy under a warm bed of spinach.

Matt Jones witnessed the mouse go into his friend's sandwich.

"It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it's also the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," Jones told KWG8. "I laughed because I was like, there is no way this just happened."

The only ray of hope is that the rodent probably didn't come from inside the Subway, but from the spinach company.

On second thought, that's actually not better at all.