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"Jupiter Ascending" is the Movie All of the Reptilian Illuminati Conspiracy Theorists Have Been Waiting for

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Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

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What Are Bathrooms for Again?

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Love Akin to Stabbing

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Remember the Good Ol' Da- WHAT?

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This is the Kind of Person You Keep as a Friend Just to Hear the Nuttiness

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Wi-Fi, It's Like a Series of Dust Particles

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... Because Your Neck Can't Support the Weight of Your Hair?

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The Thesaurus is a Deadly Weapon Meant Only for a Chosen Few

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Life is a Miracle, Especially for the Stupid

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That's Basically How Viruses Work, I Think

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Great, Now We're All Dumber for Reading This

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Melts in the Arena, Not Your Hands

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You Are Not High Enough to Understand This Wisdom

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Just a Reminder: Jaden Smith Still Has the Best-Worst Tweets

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Remember St. Valentine, the Irish One?

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