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Make a list and never follow up on it. That's the way to procrastinate. Luckily you can just as easily procrastinate with a bunch of hilarious lists. Win-win.
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Boss schedules meeting with HR to discuss employee's attitude after they say "no" to increased workload for the first time ever in 2 years: 'So now we have a meeting scheduled with HR to talk about it'
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Engineer passed over for promotion for their own direct reports, instead up-skills himself on the job, uses those skills to land a better job with 3x the pay: 'I developed skills on the company dime that got me a >100% raise at another company'
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58-year-old employee gets let go, the rest of the department leaves, HR begs for employee to come back 4 months later: 'That's not going to work for me'
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58-year-old essential employee gets laid off 1 year before retiring, entire team quits out of loyalty, HR begs them to come back for double their original pay: 'I'll come back for 13 weeks'
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Micromanager enforces new "performance tracking policy" forcing employees to prioritize phone calls over emails, creating major backlog of work: 'And just like that, [the] policy quietly vanished'
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