apps

Here's the premise behind the mobile app Cloak: Cloak will scrub the data of your "friends" using their Instagram and Foursquare information (remember, these are things they voluntarily give out) and display them on a map using your phone's GPS. Just like that, you can completely avoid them in real time as they update their information. There's a few problems, of course. Namely, you're only going to be able to avoid people that incessantly update their every move on social media - though to be fair that seems like the perfect kind of person to excise from your life forever.

Then there's another matter entirely, that this is actually kind of a dream program for stalkers. So, uh, double-edged sword I guess?

Remember that Yo app from last week? The one that did nothing but send a "Yo" to people you may or may not actually know? Well now you can send a friendly "Hodor" in much the same way! I don't know about Hodor but that makes Hodor feel very Hodor, if you ask Hodor.

Sexual consent is something that you should always get from your partner before you bang. But is an app really the best way to go about getting it?

For starters, talk about a moodkiller. "Here, before we go any further, let me have you complete this form on my phone. So hawt."

Second, if someone is "pretty wasted," as one of the app's sobriety options reads, are they going to truthfully report said sobriety while they're drunk, knowing full well that marking "pretty wasted" kills the consent process? If you're drunk and ready, you're drunk and ready, and your phone yapping at you saying that you don't give consent is only liable to piss you off, not stop what you're about to do.

Third, if one party does in fact revoke consent mid-sex, what are you doing to do? Pull out your phone again and change your answer from "I'm Good2Go" to "No, Thanks?"

Fourth, tying into the last point, what is the app actually meant to accomplish from a legal perspective? How is someone going to prove that they revoked consent when they originally put "I'm Good2Go" at the start of the encounter?

"You see, Your Honor, I know I said that I was Good2Go, but then I changed my mind and was Bad2Go like five minutes in!" "Too bad! The app says you were Good2Go and that's it! Case closed!"

Last, but perhaps not least, I can barely type my lock screen password in while I'm drunk. Am I really going to be able choose consent, choose my (truthful) sobriety level, put in my phone number and create a password all as quickly as they claim you can? Unlikely.

All in all, sexual consent isn't just a good idea: it's mandatory. End of story. But bringing in a confusing app complete with phone numbers, passwords, and dubious legal authority might not be the best way to get it.

Plus it just ends up reminding me of this: