When you're voted "Sexiest Man Alive" deflecting the thirst from Twitter followers is part of an everyday ritual. Ryan Reynolds, who was the People Magazine's 2010 Sexiest Man Alive, has been getting heat for years.
The difference between Ryan Reynolds and all the other beautiful faces in the world is that Ryan Reynolds is hilarious.
Take a look at his best responses to some of his fan's most brutal sexual request.
That's what you get for reading Cosmo. I get all my sex tips from Balsac. #culturesnob
This guy's story that he shared over on Reddit's "Today I F**ked Up' thread will leave you shook. I can only imagine what that guy is doing right now, after his devastating realization...
“This happened yesterday. So, I was lying on my bed in my room at home, reading, when I heard the front door open and my flatmate come in with a girl. He clearly didn’t think I was home, because they immediately went to his room (which shares a wall with mine). I was mildly amused by this, so I decided not to go out and ruin their fun.
“Before long, they start getting down to it and, since they didn’t think I was home, they weren’t shy about being vocal. He was grunting away, and she was moaning pretty loudly, shouting his name, etc. All this noise started to turn me on, so I started masturbating, figuring that this was better than porn because it was real-life. Eventually, the girl started moaning even louder, which I took to indicate that she was cumming, and there was some definite wall-banging as well, so it didn’t take me long to finish either. Satisfied, I went back to my book.
“After about half an hour or so, I was bored of being confined to my room, so I went out into the lounge, not really caring if I’d embarrass them; we’re all adults, we can just laugh it off.
“I walked into the lounge to find my flatmate sitting on the couch, watching TV, with his arm around my little sister.
“Christ. What have I done?”
Black males are also more likely to be pro basketball players, but that doesn't mean I ask every one I meet for tips.
Damn it's getting hot and steamy in here. Leave it to the team over at Cosmopolitan to keep the rest of us entertained with enlightening, albeit sexually-themed surveys like this one. You can check the rest of the responses back over here, if you haven't gotten your fill after powering through these.
He recognized the spambot almost immediately, but didn't stop there. What follows next is some of the most emo poetry you will ever read. It's a shame the spambot only cares about getting naked because this dude would have totally become a tree for his new friend.
"We will grow a forest from our new bodies." "Help me rot into the earth."
The consistently comedically gifted WeNotSucks hopped on Twitter yesterday to run a relatable analysis on the ups and downs of an orgy. His thought-stirring stream of tweets actually managed to spotlight the likely concerns of any sexual deviants out there considering giving the group sex thing a run. Initially, you'd kind of assume any thirsty man out there would jump at the chance of uninhibited group sex, but the further you get into this dude's thought process, the less that seems true!
