friends

And even if you do have friends, it only tells you how much fun they're having without you.

From the submitter:

I was afraid to ask anyone else

Maybe you could go back in time and text Hitler's grandson. You've been given a terrible curse, but it could also be a great gift. With great power comes great responsibility etc. etc.

To be fair to the Mom, the kid's friends were all getting duckbutt tattoos. He's all the rage among the kids these days.

True, but the bard said a lot of strange things...

They must be pretty good friends, if they trust each other enough that one won't walk away with a basket of pilfered cell phones.