dad

Don't think he won't check your Facebook, either, if he already has your phone under surveillance. Now he'll read all your friends replying to that status with "CONDOLENCES BRO" and other such things.

Dad's an equal-opportunity pessimist.

So the sender, who's listed as "Dad," calls the recipient "Dad" as well? My theory is that recipient adopted a child at a very early age - let's say he adopted a 2-year-old when he was 5 - and to help his son cope with the scant age difference between the two, the father just told the son that they were both each other's daddies because they had each conceived the other at the same moment in some quantum wormhole. The dad went to such great lengths to preserve this white lie that he listed his son as "Dad" in his contacts list. In this exchange, however, the dad finally tells his son the truth.

STOP.

Her father's name is Heidi? What a strange family.

You took a screenshot using Instagram? Son, I am disappoint.

When parents join Facebook, it's like getting bound and gagged with a suit and tie while your friends are all circling you in a conga line.