A recent episode of Portlandia depicted the tender moments flashing before Carrie Brownstein's eyes as she drops her dearly beloved iPhone.

BRB, going out to buy a trumpet to replace my broken iHome.

A reporter's cell phone rang during an interview with Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell helpfully answered it for her.

Slapshots are the #2 cause of iPhone damage in Canada. The #1 cause is beavers.

3 is maple syrup spills.

Remember to activate the lock screen, folks!

It's thinner! And has marginal technological changes that you'll probably never notice!

The very worst is the one who writes out every word, and quite frankly it's not even close.

Whether you want to ease the pain of heartbreak with the bittersweet melody of "She's Gone" or celebrate a blossoming romance to the euphoric beat of "You Make My Dreams," the Callin' Oates hotline will be there for you. Just dial (719)26-OATES and open a direct line to your heart.

Lord knows there's a large enough market for it.

(video contains language that might be too real for some)

Music to my ears.

When a robot "speaks" in ALL CAPS, I usually expect there to be more shouting involved. At least some flashing lights in the background.

Part of Apple's NEW Indoctrinate 'Em While They're Young™ campaign.

Talk to your service provider today to see how you can protect your child from this awful epidemic.

The collection of self-centered brats who were livid about not getting an iPhone for Christmas has creeped from the Twitter feed into our hearts (specifically the parts of our hearts that like to hate things). It's been so popular, in fact, that musician/comedian Jonathan Mann decided to set their tweets to music. If music be the food of laughter and/or hate, play on.

Video contains language appropriate only for foul-mouthed ingrates.