cigarette

Walking up the aisle is a big moment in your life. Everyone needs to do what they can to calm their nerves.

If he can't remember this night, he might wake up the next morning and think he joined a My Little Pony-themed glam rock band. And then passed out while snorting tobacco in the bathroom.

"You know what? I'm sick of all these little smiling children! Running around my castle like this! A mouse can only keep up a façade of happiness for so long. Plus Minnie's a b*h."

Oh Lord, this reminds me of those old anti-drug commercials from the 90s, where that cool looking kid with his yellow, green, and pink shoes, skateboard and hot new CD player is sitting on the apartment stoop asking if some passers-by want to get high. "Nah, man, that stuff's for losers!" They proclaim confidently. Ahh, those were the days.

Like a bah-ah-ah-ah-ss!

That or don't keep any writing implements in your house...

... that you became RoboCop?