A California Bank Robbery Suspect Was "Told by the Virgin Mary" to Eat His Own Poop on the Witness Stand

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If there has ever been a reasonable case for a plea of insanity, maybe it's this one.

Andrew Gilbertson is charged with robbing a Bank of America in October 2013 - which is perhaps the first bullet point in an insane person. I mean come on, there are SO many easier illegal ways to get money in 2015. While taking the stand this Wednesday, he reached into his pants to grab his own personal brand for a snack, as instructed to him by the Virgin Mary herself.

Unsurprisingly, the court was called into a recess, where a mental health expert was called in to analyze Gilbertson's behavior.

Here's a video report of the full story, which thankfully does not feature any actual footage of the "One Disturbed Man, One Cup" incident:



Hat tip to Uproxx.

A Restaurant in North Carolina is in Deep Trouble After Accidentally Serving a 2 Year Old Booze

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The Gilliam family ordered cranberry juice for their toddler Gabriela, but when she took a sip they immediately noticed something was wrong. Taking a drink from her child's cup themselves, they discovered it was actually sangria (the preferred drink of college lit majors looking to forget that they need to read Joyce for Wednesday's class).

After several trips to local doctors and monitoring Gabriela's sleep patterns she's totally fine, but not after a tiny toddler bender ("She was kissing everything"). 

Hopefully she won't experience that kind of feeling again until college. Or at least late high school, who are we kidding.

Fail of the Day: Guy Busted for Using ‘Most Interesting Man in the World’ to Drive in HOV Lane

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There are lots of simple things you can do to get to work on time. This is not one of them.

A man in Washington was caught by state troopers using a cardboard cutout of the “Most Interesting Man in the World” from the Dos Equis ads as a passenger to fool authorities into letting him use the HOV lane.

Needless to say, it didn’t work, and he was fined.

Trooper Guy Gill Tweeted out the photo on Tuesday, giving the guy some props for trying.

“I don’t always violate the HOV lane law,” he wrote. “But when I do, I get a $124 ticket! We’ll give him an A for creativity!”

After being pulled over, the driver told the officer that the man was his “best friend.”

This might have been a big fail, but the real Dos Equis guy could have gotten away with it.

A 12-Year-Old Colorado Girl Was Arrested for Attempting to Poison Her Mother Over iPhone Privileges, Because #KidsTheseDays

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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, anothercase of tween barbarism solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.

Darth Vader Pulls Off a North Carolina Bank Robbery, Gets Drunk at a Hockey Game in One Week

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That's a man in a Darth Vader mask successfully getting away with a bank robbery in Pineville, NC last Monday. Luckily no one was injured in the event. Meanwhile, Star Wars Night at the AHL Manchester Monarchs game featured a Vader who was clearly none too experienced with walking on ice. 



Or maybe just failing to force choke members of the away team. Such is the mystery of the game.