You got hacked! You're not alone though, plenty of people have been compromised by cyber criminals without ever realizing it. So enjoy some hilarious examples of others and learn from their mistakes, it will pay off in the end.
From the submitter:
It's the only explanation I could come up with as to why my remote access token has pointy corners.
We will smear poop all over the office until we get our way.
Whatever the hell "internal production problem" is. It's probably just a funny way to spell "some dingus thought it would be fun to mess with our stuff seeing as it's Guy Fawkes Day and all."