forever alone

To all of the recent 2011 graduates that facing the end of their deferred student loans: Best of luck! May the interest rates treat you well.

"You're hired!!! When can you start?" "Sir, did you even read the rest of-" "I'll ask the questions here!"

This is a security warning to prevent fraud, but sometimes it makes some people feel lonely.

"All right sir, we have a 90-day 'no friendzone warranty which covers you being clingy and overly emotional. Would you like to purchase the Jealousy upgrade for only $49.99 more?"