family

"No we're not, you're all losers!" "No YOU'RE a loser!" "YOUR FACE IS A LOS-" "Shut up! Both of you! You're bad for business!"

I guess it's a little less weird than having an account for the dog.

This is what separates The Simpsons from shows like Family Guy or South Park.

If you are currently able to do this, then Satan may have some pawning options available for you.