breakroom

Read the full email below [via Gawker]:

Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I ate that tuna salad that he'd melt my brain.

~OLJ

In a building full of software engineers, common sense sometimes goes out the door.

It's like a white-collar Jean Valjean who has a job, but is still so poor that he has to steal energy bars in order to feed his family. He is hunted down relentlessly by coworker Javert.

~Office Lackey Jack

Well that's a relief. I was worried the conversation had stalled out, but then the "FOUND SOME" guy swooped in and saved the day.

~OLJ

There's a Greg in our office, and this flowchart would work perfectly for him. Except it would be placed in front of the coffee, and instead of asking if he has permission, it would ask "Did you make the coffee? Have you ever made coffee? No? Then go away."

~OLJ

And if you can't file it as a dependency, maybe you can count poor, starving co-workers as tax-deductible charities. #financejokesaresomuchfun

~Office Lackey Jack

this box takes up half the fridge and has been in there for a week. sign left as a result.

Our office has about six choices of tea: Three black teas, one green tea, and two mint teas. The black teas run out first, and when they're gone, everyone gripes about it and grimaces whenever they slurp their insufferably sweetened tea. Once I saw someone crying in the corner.

~OLJ

Keeping employees' thieving hands away from a stack of beer is like keeping an ADD person's eyes from looking at a squirrel.

Buddha would brew the pot exactly halfway, Zeus would drink the rest of the coffee and wait for someone else to fill it, and Shiva doesn't need any caffeine.

LOL! Balrogs are illiterate!