Death

Or a shot plot.

It's a good thing nobody over 60 works in an internet company office, because if he were ever late to work, all his office supplies would be claimed in 5 minutes.

~OLJ

Error messages are starting to get too disturbing for those with delicate sensibilities. From now on, error messages should come in the form of cat pictures.

Death by getting your skull split open with a giant ballpoint pen. The pen is mightier etc. etc.

~OLJ

My BOSS sent me this in an email.

Sounds like your boss is playing with your head. Lie at your desk with your head down for five days without food or water. Then, when he approaches you (or just happens to wander by), jump up and shout "BOO!" That'll show him.

~OLJ