completely relevant news

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Fishers caught this absolute monstrosity off the coast of New Jersey. The 11-foot, 820-pound shark took over an hour to subdue and tire out before they were finally able to catch it. 

The real shame though, is that they didn't catch this thing a few days later at the (and we swear we are not making this up) South Jersey Shark Tournament. Surely the second largest catch in New Jersey history would have qualified as the winner of that tournament!

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Via MSN
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According to MSN, the bear is a rare first edition memorial Beanie Baby made in commemoration of Princess Diana. Previous bears have sold for £62,500, with other listings going even higher. 

Talking about the ebay prices of Beanie Babies, it really IS 2002 all over again!

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This week in Springfield, Illinois the forces of evil have emerged victorious.

Mayor J. Michael Houston has awarded G.I. Joe’s nemesis Cobra Commander the key to the city.

“Springfielders near and far, I accept your Mayor’s generous gift,” he said. “And let it be known that I too bring a gift for every man, woman and child of this city that is so near and dear to my heart; an invitation to join with me. Join Cobra!”

It makes a lot of sense, considering Springfield served as a secret base for the villain and his forces in the cartoon.

The stunt is actually a promotion for the upcoming G.I. Joe convention which will be held in the city, which they describe as the “mythical home of COBRA,” from April l9-12.

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Here’s a supercut of Cobra Commander shouting at everyone because that’s just what he does and will continue to do in Illinois now that they’ve welcomed him with open arms.