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A Bushel of Funny Tweets to Savor

When it's not actively imploding all over itself, Twitter births some wildly creative, extremely dumb, and supremely clever jokes. Sometimes you need ridiculous musings in the form of tweets to give that day a boost. Are they often stupid? Yeah. Are they basically funny? Definitely. Heap some funny tweets onto that day.

funny tweets and jokes from twitter | Paul @bingowings 14 Fingers crossed 's hummus Hidden dip road sign
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Funny Tweets to Give that Day a Boost

Twitter can be a war zone of horrible takes and unsubstantiated arguments about things no one really cares about, but it's also cut with sweet, delectable jokes. For more odds and ends, here are some more funny tweets that hit the spot and some random funny Tumblr nuggets.

Funny twitter jokes | leo dominguez @oledominguez COLGAT Almost left grocery store without buying bag spring mix throw, unopened, into garbage two weeks
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Twitter Shares The Things You Don't Tell Your Spouse

Part of being in a long term relationship is knowing that there are some things that are better left unsaid. Married Life has a lot of ups and downs that inspire tweets and jokes, and heeding people's advice can prevent a future headache. So like, tell them everything they need to know of course, but don't get too creative with it.

Twitter users tell the secrets they don't tell their spouses about | Dawn Follow @thoughtfloss Which piece chicken fell on floor ThingsYouDont TellYourSpouse
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Memes about The Brutal Reality of Not Being 20 Anymore

Results of aging may vary, but take it from these people that hangovers are worse and dating can become a struggle. Oh, and protect your back. Here are some dad memes to keep dads going through these dark times.

Memes about the realities of aging | man screaming while a hurricane sandstorm approaches behind him | 40s People born 80s 's coming meme-generator.com
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Tweets and Memes from the Quarantine

As the reality of COVID-19 spreads and the ever widening spheres of stay-at-home edicts change a veritable butt-load of people's lives, we're left with millions of people's thoughts about it, daily. Some people are wrestling with their newfound loneliness while others are preparing to make a whole lot of pasta. Here are some more coronavirus tweets from self-quarantine.

Tweets and memes about people's self quarantine | Well, old girl about have busiest month life INSTANT POT cooking utensils | Ryan Brooks @ryanbrooks bar my neighborhood is delivering entire liters their premixed margaritas 25 and get complimentary roll toilet paper with purchase and 's really starting feel like there are no rules anymore
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Coronavirus Tweets From The Self-Quarantine

Here are a collection of humorous tweets about the ongoing pandemic. While people are still urged to stay inside and limit social contact, it's starting to take a toll on people's attitudes. There are more cases, and predictably, a whole lot of coronavirus tweets and memes. Here's a woman's experience who tested positive for the disease.

Tweets and jokes about coronavirus and quarantine | milO @amelianashh been waiting perfect time change my Netflix password so my ex can't use anymore and doesn't really get much better than national lockdown 703K 4:37 PM Mar 16, 2020 60.9K people are talking about this
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Coronavirus Tweets and Memes to Hoard like Toilet Paper

With stress rising and policies changing quickly over COVID-19, people are letting their fears out online in the form of comedy. In the wake of panic buying and quarantines, some people are getting petty revenge on toilet paper hoarding Karens while others are writing humorous Coronavirus Journal entries from self quarantine.

Tweets and funny memes about self quarantine, panic buying and coronavirus | birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights WASH FREQUENT. MANTAIN SOCIAL DISTANCE. bird in a birdbath and two birds fighting | People with unwiped butts Peoplewho boughtall toilet paper.
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Awkward Moments People had with Celebrities

Seeing a star in person can have the effect of making you the stupidest person on the planet. Like, what do you say to a movie star if you're awkwardly blocking their way on an airplane? Seeing someone in person that you've seen in a movie, even someone you may not even particularly like, creates a scenario that most people just don't know how to deal with.

Twitter stories of awkward moments people had with stars | tweet by TheChangeU12C few years ago there period about 2 months where randomly ran into Whoopi Goldberg 3 different times various parts NYC first time she smiled at 2nd time she looked slightly confused 3rd time she looked slightly alarmed
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Funny Tweets as Sweet as Treats

If thoughts are birds, Twitter is the window they all fly into. Here are some funny tweets to make you think about all the weird and dumb thoughts people are having all around you every second of every day. As it turns out, our most strongly held opinions are the most minute, inconsequential ones.

Silly jokes from twitter | tweet by brendohare will have 4 blueberry muffins dinner please DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER: Please do not tell us having them dinner
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Funny Tweets about God Making Animals

The features and behaviors of different animals are so varied and weird and specific that it makes you wonder what kind of thinking would have went into them. A lot of these tweets about animal designs feel like a real "5 pm on a friday" kind of job. People put a lot of thought into how god would've made plants and animals.

Funny joke tweets about how god designed animals | tweet by tricycle_champ [god making bats] GOD: just like hairy black potato with wings ANGEL: um GOD: ANGEL: god? GOD: also sleeps upside down like an idiot
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Guy Bonds With Strangers Over "Magic" Bread With Lengthy Expiration Date

There's something about breaking magic bread with strange drunks that seems almost weirdly biblical. That or this stranger just didn't have enough money for bread and tricked this guy into a free snack. This sounds small and dumb but two months is a long time for bread. Sadly, leaving bread out like that will probably cut its days shorter than expected. For another petty and stupid food story, here's a reporter who kept winning office chili cook-offs with store bought chili.

Guy bonds with strangers over long with unusually long sell-by date.
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Reporter Uses Store-Bought Chili in Office Cook-Off, Beats Frustrated Coworker

Let's not mix up the facts here, she is a filthy cheater. That said, regarding her coworker, anyone who cares this much about an office chili cook-off may not have their priorities in order. It seems like no one here is that great of a person, but such it is in the cut-throat world of office chili cook-offs. For some office stuff, here's a twitter thread about an umbrella that locked out an entire company for days, and here are funny office notes.

Reporter uses store bought chili in work cookoff.
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Twitter Thread Outlines Significance of "Ok Boomer" Phenomenon

For those not in the know, "OK Boomer" is a dismissive retort often used to disregard or mock Baby Boomers and those who are perceived as old-fashioned and being out-of-touch. Part of this phenomenon is the feature that many baby boomers themselves consider this to be an ageist slur. This in turn has been seen by many as a hypocritical overreaction that has been met with more Ok Boomer Roasting on Twitter. The whole thing has stirred up more discussion and argument about age and politics. Here is a Gen-X perspective and explanation of why "ok boomer" is becoming more than just a thing people say on Twitter.

Twitter thread on "Ok Boomer" shows history and significance.
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Brain Farts So Bad They Could Clear a Room

People shared their stupid mental mistakes and switch-ups, commonly known as brain farts. It's not really your fault, most people have so much to focus on on a daily basis that sometimes we don't put enough effort into our own speech. But still, switching up a few letters can mean the difference between saying you've just been hit in the shins and you've just shit in the bins.

Brain farts and mental mistakes that made people look awkward.
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